At the age of 4 to 6, children ask the question: "Mom, are you going to die?" This usually sounds sudden to adults. But it is important at this moment not to get confused and answer correctly so that the child adequately survives his first existential crisis.
Why does the child ask about death?
A child who has not reached adolescence asks parents about death because for the first time he is faced with the knowledge that everyone will die. This usually occurs between the ages of 4 and 6. Any event can be a reason for this realization: the illness of a grandmother, the death of a relative, a dead bird seen on the street, someone's conversation about death on the street, in a kindergarten.
The moment a child asks this question, he already knows that there is death, and he is frightened by the unknown associated with this fact. He asks whether his parents will die and whether he will die himself, not in order to get a direct answer, and not in order to upset the parents. His goal is to find in adults the lost sense of security and confidence in the future, despite the fact that everyone is mortal.
How can a child answer questions about death?
First, you need to acknowledge the fact that everyone dies. You should not be intimidated by such questions and deceive the child. After all, he already knows that he will die, but does not know how you feel about it. With your fear and refusal to speak on this topic, you do not give the child an understanding of what to do with the fact of death, you broadcast to him the anxiety of death. In this case, the first existential crisis will not be adequately lived and will be reflected in the child's next age crises.
Second, it is necessary to offer the child a consistent worldview about death.
For example, if Christianity is close to you, then you can say: "Yes, everyone will die. But only our bodies are mortal. The soul is immortal. And, having left its earthly body, it goes to heaven to God, rejoices there and looks at us from above." If you are an atheist, then your answer may sound like this: "Yes, everyone will die. But people are alive as long as their memory is alive. Look, grandfather died, but there is me, his daughter, and there is you. We remember and love him. That is why he is with us. Or yesterday we read a book: the person who wrote it has already died. But his words remain, in which he continues to live. We read them and remember him."
The task of parents is to logically embed knowledge about death in the child's life, in his ideas about the world. How this will be done is irrelevant. The main thing is to let the child know that:
- a) you are aware that there is death;
- b) that you take it calmly due to the way, in your understanding, the world works.
Your answer will be enough for your child. Perhaps he will ask 1-2 clarifying questions, but they will not pose a problem for you if you have decided on your worldview.
If you successfully answer the questions about death, the first existential crisis in the child's life will end. He will build all other cases of a collision with death into the worldview that you offered him. This will continue until adolescence. In adolescence, questions about death arise from a completely different angle, and the adolescent will seek answers to them consciously and, most likely, independently.
