If your child is being bullied at school, it is important to take it seriously and intervene quickly. You and your child's teachers need to work together to stop bullying.
Bullying at school
If your child is being bullied, he needs a lot of care, love, and support, both at home and wherever the bullying occurs. Your child also needs to know that you will take action to prevent further bullying.
Talking to your child about bullying
If your child is being bullied, one of the best ways to help him is by listening and talking. This is a good way to learn more before talking to a teacher about it.
Here's how to get started:
Listen: Give your child your full attention and consider talking in a quiet place. Ask your child simple questions and then listen to the answers. Try saying something like, "So what happened next?" and "What did you do then?"
Stay calm: This is a chance to show your child how to solve problems. If you are feeling angry or anxious, wait until you calm down before discussing the situation with your child.
Summarize the problems: you could say something like, “So you sat and dined. Then Igor came up, took your food and threw it across the dining room."
Let your child know it's okay to be upset by helping your child understand that his feelings are normal. For example, "No wonder you are so sad about this."
Make sure your child knows that it is not his fault: for example, "This would not have happened if you were not wearing glasses and Igor may be upset about the incident, but this is not an excuse for him."
The next step shows your child that you are caring and helping:
Agree that there is a problem: for example, "it's not okay to do this to you."
Praise Your Child: Telling you about bullying can be difficult for your child. The praise will encourage him to keep sharing his problems with you. For example, "I am very pleased that you told me about this."
Make it clear that you will help: for example, “It looks like it was bad. Let's think about some of the things we could do to fix the situation."
Avoid negative comments like “You have to stand up for yourself” or “Oh, poor thing. Never mind.
And if your child understands why some children are bullied or intimidated, then this can help him understand that it is not his fault. For example, you might tell your child that a bully is possible:
- copies other people and doesn't know bullying is wrong
- doesn't know how to behave well with other people
- has a problem and thinks that if other people feel bad, that is good.
Working with your child's teacher to deal with bullying
If your child is being bullied, seek help from the teacher and your child's school as soon as possible. Schools take bullying very seriously. Schools will always focus on protecting the victim. Your first step is to talk to the teacher in your child's class. Also, your child needs to know that you are working on a problem, so be sure to let them know that you will talk to the teacher about it. Here's how to work with your child's homeroom teacher to stop bullying:
- Take time to talk privately with the teacher.
- Calmly present your problems as a joint problem for both of you. For example, “Oleg says that Igor hits him during lunch, calls him by his last name and tells other children not to play with him. I would like you to help find out what is happening and what we can do about it."
- Discuss the problem with your teacher. Ask for the teacher's opinion.
- Be persistent, don't get angry or blame. For example, “Yes, kids sometimes tease. But I think that the child was not just teased. I think it was more serious."
- End the meeting with a plan for how the situation will be resolved.
- Keep in touch with the teacher.
What if your child doesn't want you to talk to the teacher?
Your child may be opposed to your conversation with the teacher. It's important to listen to your child's concerns and see what you can do to keep them from worrying. For example, you might make an appointment with a school at a time when other students are less likely to notice. But at the end of the day, you are the best person who knows what is in your child's best interests, even if that means bringing in a teacher.
If the bullying continues
If the bullying continues even after you speak with the teacher in class, it is still safer to work with the school. Here are some further steps you can take:
- Keep a record of what happens and when. If the bullying entails physical harm or damage to your child's property, you can also take photos. If it's related to cyberbullying, take screenshots of social media posts or text messages.
- Write a note (call) to your school teacher that the bullying is still ongoing.
- Talk to the principal of the school.
- Ask to see the school's complaint handling process.
- Discuss this issue with the school board.
- Contact the Department of Education.
If your child is still being bullied and you don't think the school is doing enough to stop them, you may need to consider looking for another school. If the violent behavior is excessive, you can seek help outside the school system.
What your child can do to deal with bullying
If your child is being bullied, you should always intervene, but your child can also learn to deal with the bullying when it does. This can help him cope with any future bullying or negative social behavior. It will also help your child feel more confident and less helpless about bullying. Here are some ideas, as well as ways to explain ideas to your child:
Tell the bully to stop: "Being calm about the bully lets them know that what they are trying to do is not working."
Avoid High-Risk Areas: "If you stay away from areas where bullying occurs, you can avoid meeting bullies."
Be around other people: “If you stay with your friends, the bully probably won't bother you. Or you could stay in the busy part of the school where there are teachers."
Ask other children for help: "Other children probably understand what you are going through and can help you."
Tell the teacher, “Your teacher can help solve the problem. The bully may not even know that the teacher is helping you."
Supporting your child at home
At home, your child needs a lot of support and love as you and the school teacher work to stop bullying in school. Instead of always asking questions about bullying, you can ask more general questions such as "What was the most fun part of your day?" Sometimes professional support can help your child cope with bullying.
