What is this - positive thinking in raising children? How to put it into practice? Figuratively speaking, the definition of positive thinking is as follows: "Do not talk about what you do not want, but about what you want."
For example, let's say you came to a bookstore to buy a new book from your favorite writer. It’s unlikely that you will list the names of all the books you don’t need to the seller, or go through all the similar books on the shelves. Most likely, you will name (or find yourself on the shelf) exactly the book you need.
So why, when we formulate (or try to formulate) any goal in life, in 90% of cases we build it according to the principle “what I don’t want”. Instead of “I want to be slim and beautiful” we say “I don't want to be fat”. And the worst thing is that we instill this very negative model of behavior in our children as a way of life.
Imagine: you decide to have a serious conversation with your child about the meaning of life (or, alternatively, about a serious attitude towards life). Most likely, it will be a monologue like “My dear child! Throughout my life, I made a bunch of mistakes, did what I absolutely wanted her to do. And vice versa - I didn't do what I wanted the most. I don’t want you to repeat my mistakes, so believe my bitter experience and remember: never do … (the list goes on for a hundred pages), do not deal with such people … (another list), do not communicate with … (list of specific individuals), and hundreds more like "not". And the rest of the time, what does he hear from you most often? That's right: “don't touch”, “don't climb”, “don't go”, “don't play around” … Do not be surprised if 90% of your “not” will become your child's guide to action: the forbidden fruit is sweet … And vice versa - all your with superhuman efforts hammered into 10% "must!" will turn out to be something that will never be done.
And not because your child, out of harm, does everything to spite you. It's simple, paradoxical as it may seem, but trying to save your child from mistakes, you program him for the opposite result. Such is the property of our psyche, (and especially the psyche of a child) that when something is forbidden to us, we often absolutely instinctively want to violate this prohibition. Thus, your child simply reflexively discards the “not” particle, and as a result, all his attention is focused on exactly what you so stubbornly forbade him. It is difficult even for an adult to “not think about a white monkey” - especially if a picture with this monkey looms before his eyes a hundred times a day.
So, you ask - is it not forbidden at all? Why, prohibit, of course. After all, it may happen that his life may depend on his ability to unquestioningly fulfill your prohibition.
But the main life motivation of the child should be the attitude towards a positive result, and not a way to "run away" from inevitable mistakes and failures. Education is beneficial only when the acquisition of knowledge or the most essential skills in life is felt and based on positive emotions, and is set to receive a positive result.
And the best teaching method for a child is play. Offer your child to play a new, exciting game "I want to …" and teach how to turn the wildest dream into a beautiful reality.
