Raising a child is not easy. Sometimes it is difficult to refrain from irritation, seeing how a son or daughter is doing something the wrong way. However, it is also not worth throwing caustic phrases at a defenseless child. Psychologists identify 10 phrases that can inflict moral trauma on children.
1. "You don't know how!" (you can't, you don't understand, etc.). Don't program your child for failure ahead of time. Appreciate any effort. If you see that it doesn’t work, say calmly: “Can I show you my way … (tie shoelaces, wipe off the table, etc.)?”.
2. "Who are you so slow about ?!" Avoid harsh assessments of the character and physical characteristics of the child, so as not to develop an inferiority complex later.
3. "Come on, stop crying!" By forbidding tears, you provoke the child to accumulate negative emotions, which can lead to neuroses and hysteria. The dismissive tone of the phrase shows your indifference to the child's problem. Better to calmly find out the cause of the child's tears and try to help.
4. "Go do something useful." By brushing off the child with this phrase, you make him think that all his actions earlier are pointless and not particularly important. If you so want to instill "good" habits in your child, learn to spend time together more often and show by your own example what is good and what is bad.
5. "If you behave this way, I will give you over to that uncle (aunt, to an orphanage, etc.)." More than anything, children are afraid of being abandoned. Do not blackmail your child with his own fears. Explain in detail the rules of conduct in a given situation.
6. "Are you smarter than me ?!" (“Don't talk nonsense!” Etc.). Very often, the child's attempts to argue about something end in parental anger: "how so, the eggs will still teach the chicken!" By imposing your dictatorship, you deprive the child of the ability to make independent decisions in the future. Learn to listen and agree with children's opinions.
7. "You are just a problem!" ("Because of you …", "If not for you …", etc.). This is the same as regretting out loud that the child was born at all. It is always difficult with children, but there are no desperate situations. Do not shift your own powerlessness in upbringing onto fragile children's shoulders.
8. "Here is Vanya (Lena) then …". Constantly poking a child into other people's successes, you thereby demean his own achievements. Why should your son or daughter be like someone else? Grow a personality, not a copycat. There is also a reverse phrase: “You are the best!”, Which also deprives the child of the opportunity to assess his abilities adequately.
9. "You will bring me to the grave!" With this phrase, you will nurture in your child a constant feeling of guilt for the fact that he is causing you so much suffering. A mother's love should not be selective: today I love, tomorrow not. Love any child, even if he broke your favorite vase or got a 2 in math again.
10. "Tell your abnormal father (mother) …". In quarrels or divorces, parents sometimes use their children as a means of blackmail, or as an ally in the struggle. Hence the phrases: "Whom do you love more?", "Well, go to your daddy!" etc. Remember that children need both parents, and your family squabbles on the child should not be reflected in any way.
