Quarrels with a loved one are one of the components of a relationship. Conflict can be perceived in different ways: as an opportunity to overcome problems and become even closer, or as a small end of the world. If you think that this is not the end and there is something to fight for, after a quarrel with a guy, sort the situation out and get ready to work together on common happiness.
If during an argument you feel that emotions are ruling the conversation, interrupt the discussion and go to different corners. Explain to the young man that your relationship is dear to you, and therefore you want to cool down and calmly ponder everything that happened. For a day or two, do not mentally return to your quarrel, do not try to find the culprit and finish off the grievances that you did not have time to shout in his face. Go about your daily activities and load your mind with work or hobbies as much as possible. After the set time, sit down at the table and write down the theses of your quarrel on a piece of paper. Clear all squabbles from personal accusations and attempts to transfer the blame to another. Highlight only the cause of the quarrel and the points at which your opinions differ. At this stage, your best friend or a psychologist can help you - after listening to the retelling of events, the assistant will separate the important from the unimportant. After studying the list, try to understand who is right and wrong in what. It rarely happens that only one of the quarreling is absolutely right, and the second is a pure victim. Regardless of whether you succeeded in completing this task, move on to the next step. Determine what you want to achieve in the future, what is your priority: to maintain the relationship, make the person apologize, prove that he is right, etc. Consider what you can do to achieve it, depending on your goal. Start from real conditions. Write down what actions you are ready to take personally, and on what issue your position is principled and unshakable. Then write down your requirements for the guy - they should also help you achieve your goal. Meet the guy again. Tell him that you want to sort out the situation together to overcome this difficulty. If you are hurt by his words or actions, tell him about it. But when making claims, talk about unworthy actions, without generalizing and not getting personal. That is, you can say that you are hurt by his inattention. But do not claim that he is an unfeeling blockbuster, unable to love; offer the options for action that you have identified as salutary and conducive to the achievement of the goal. Ask the guy to tell you what he wants to achieve and what ways out he sees. Compare his proposals with your position, with the principles that are fundamental for you. Based on your thoughts and the guy's suggestion, try to come to a solution together and formulate it out loud - so that you both understand where you have come.
