The problem of the relationship "daughter-in-law" has been known since time immemorial. But not all families have a complex relationship between a man's mother and wife. All family members and especially the young husband, who is also a beloved son, should show wisdom and patience in order to prevent the emergence and development of hostility between two women.
Common causes of the "daughter-in-law" conflict
The appearance of a new family member in the person of a daughter-in-law sometimes gives rise to many questions and mistrust in the mother-in-law. After all, a young newly-made wife may not correspond to the stereotypes of a more experienced woman. For example, if a daughter-in-law has a "frivolous" profession - a singer, actress, secretary, etc., this may already give rise to the idea of her as a frivolous person. Further - more: nagging begins on trifles, at the household level: do not cook, wash, wash; you run your household irrationally; you have bad taste in clothes, etc.
If children appear in a young family, a war may start between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law because of the difference in views on the issues of their upbringing. The husband's mother's argument is usually quite convincing: "I raised a wonderful son." But a young wife can also find arguments in her favor, declaring that this is her child, that the current methods of upbringing are much more progressive than those that were twenty years ago, etc. As a result, endless arguments, quarrels and grievances can become chronic and result in deep-seated personal enmity.
Sometimes the object of controversy and hostility becomes directly he - the son and young husband. Here, an open war is waged between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law for the right to be the first in importance in a man's life. The first one does not want to give up the previously existing leading positions, the second one does not want to be somewhere far behind the “mother”.
What can a man do?
A man should try to prevent conflicts between his mother and wife. How to do it? First of all, by personal example. Women need to feel that you truly respect and love both of them. In their presence, do not give a clear preference to one of them.
If your mother is unreasonably angry with her daughter-in-law or exaggerates her shortcomings, try to talk calmly and confidentially with the instigator of the conflict. Explain to your mother that you love her no less than before, that for you she will always be the closest and dearest person. Say also that a good relationship between her and your wife is very important for you, ask them to respect your choice.
You should not scold your wife, complain about her, etc. in the presence of your mother. Having quarreled with your beloved, you, most likely, will very soon make peace with her, and your mother, to whom you colorfully painted about how bad her daughter-in-law is, is unlikely to be able to quickly forgive her. Remember, too, that you cannot force someone to do something. If you directly demand from your mother to love her daughter-in-law, you will achieve the opposite effect.
Create situations in which your beloved women can find a common language, do something interesting together, etc. In a delicate way, often remind them that there are no perfect people on earth, that everyone has some flaws, that you need to be more tolerant of each other, to be able to forgive other people's mistakes. Teach the mother and daughter-in-law to find compromises on controversial issues, to look for opportunities for mutual understanding.
Do not try to take the position of one of the howling parties, do not exacerbate the situation with gossip about what your mother said about your wife and vice versa, try not to use value judgments in relation to your women, especially in their presence.
The role of referee on a field where two opposing teams play is quite tedious. But if, in the first few months after your marriage, you do your best to channel the relationship between your mother and wife in a friendly direction, you will be rewarded in the form of a calm, happy family life.
