Romantic love through the eyes of psychologists Initially, the topic of love was considered "forbidden" in psychology. But modern psychologists have already created several of their formulas, with the help of which they try to explain the riddle of romantic love.
Initially, the theme of love was considered "forbidden" in psychology. But modern psychologists have already created several of their formulas, with the help of which they try to explain the riddle of romantic love. 1. Love as a disease American psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her book "Love and Falling in Love" described passionate romantic love as a blind biological mechanism that provided our ancestors with the ability not only to reproduce, but also to raise common children for some time. Tennov does not consider falling in love as real love, but rather describes it as a painful condition with the following symptoms. 1. Constant obsessive thoughts about the object of love. 2. Acute, painful need for reciprocal feelings of the object. 3. Feeling of euphoria in case of reciprocity. 4. Concentration on the object of falling in love to such an extent that a person can ignore important responsibilities and not solve pressing problems. 5. Distorted perception of the object of love, often bordering on delusion. At the same time, the positive qualities of the object are exaggerated, and the negative ones are either ignored or considered attractive. 6. Strong sexual attraction to the object of love. Tennov emphasized that although falling in love and a simple desire to have sex are not the same, falling in love without sexual attraction does not exist, since it is at its core. In her opinion, it is almost impossible to heal from the "love disease". There are only two possible cures for falling in love. The first is to stop any contact with the object. This method is very painful and will almost inevitably lead to depression, but in a normal person, falling in love will fade away. Another way is to start a relationship. The peculiarity of "painful" love is that it disappears, usually after 1-4 years. It is no coincidence that they say that after four years people most often get divorced. However, Tennov does not consider the forecasts for pairs to be necessarily pessimistic. In addition to falling in love, she also singled out faithful love, which is characteristic of rare examples of happy monogamous couples who stay together for a long time. Such love is much "quieter": it is not characterized by an obsession with another person, and it does not look like insanity. 2. Love as chemistry A large number of scientific works encroached on romantic love from a trivial physiological point of view - scientists were interested in what biochemical processes contribute to romantic feelings. For example, in one experiment, a female interviewer approached young people and left them her phone number after the interview. It turned out that men called her back more often if they had crossed a mountain river before - the excitement from physical activity contributed to the romantic interest. Some hormones and other substances are associated with love, in particular the following. 1. Phenylethylamine is a substance that is produced in trace amounts (very little!) In the brain. It is it that is largely responsible for the "crazy" love. The action is very similar to cocaine or another drug from the class of stimulants, therefore it makes you feel arousal, euphoria and sexual desire when in love. Unfortunately, the effect of phenylethylamine is temporary, a person gets used to it and the beloved no longer causes the same "chemical reaction". 2. Oxytocin. Fortunately, one cannot rely only on the euphoria of phenylethylamine: there is also oxytocin, a hormone that is produced in the brain and acts on the genitals (both men and women), and also promotes milk production in nursing mothers. In addition to the above, oxytocin is responsible for sensitivity to touch. It is he who makes us want to "cuddle", and also helps to resist stress. Its blood level rises when communicating with loved ones, especially if there is tactile contact. Oxytocin is able to bind us to a person and maintain a relationship when phenylethylamine has ceased to work. Interestingly, the better a person treats himself, the better his balance of these two substances, the more successful his choice of a partner. 3. Love as a triangle Psychologist Zeke Rubin proposed to consider romantic love as a set of three elements - affection, care and intimacy: 1. Affection - the need for care, approval and physical contact with another person. For example, attachment is indicated by a desire to urgently complain to a loved one if you feel bad or lonely. 2. Caring - Concern about others' needs and happiness more than about your own. The feeling of caring makes us put the interests of another person first, worry about him, strive to help and comfort. 3. Intimacy means shared thoughts, desires and feelings that unite two people. The more intimacy, the more trust between people, the greater the desire to share ideas and emotions. On the basis of these three components, Rubin even developed scales by which one can literally evaluate the "power of love." 4. Love as a palette In his book The Colors of Love, psychologist John Alan Lee did not consider the essence of romantic love, but its varieties. He compares love to a color wheel. It has three primary colors and Lee believed there are three primary styles of love. He called them beautifully and in Greek - Eros, Ludos and Storge: 1. Eros - love for an ideal person. 2. Ludos - love as a game. 3. Storge - love as friendship. Continuing the palette analogy, Lee suggested that the three primary colors could be combined to create complementary colors. The result is nine kinds of love. For example, if you mix Eros and Ludos on the palette of love, you get Mania - obsessive love. Likewise, if you mix Ludos and Storge, you get Pragma - realistic and practical love. If you mix Eros and Storge, you get Agape - compassionate and selfless love. 5. Love as friendship One of the classics of the "psychology of love" Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues identified two types of love: compassionate and passionate. 1. Passionate love is associated with strong and uncontrollable emotions. According to Hatfield, it depends on our upbringing and random circumstances - the environment or some personality characteristics of the person signaling to us that it is "romantic" - and the brain receives the signal to fall in love. 2. Compassionate love is qualitatively different; ideally, passionate love should turn into compassionate. Such love is based on common values, and it can be called love-friendship, when people just like to communicate, to spend time together. Ideal love could possibly combine passionate love and stable love-friendship, but according to Hatfield, this is a huge rarity. That is why the extinction of passion is best experienced by those couples who have common cultural and moral values and a common view of the world.
