An accidental call, an unwritten message, an unexpected meeting or gossip of well-wishers - people learn about betrayal in different ways. And now the familiar and cozy little world shattered into a thousand pieces, confusion in my head, tears in my eyes, and quite tangible pain settled in my chest. This is what the deceived woman once experienced. The woman who found out that her husband had cheated on her.
Family life after betrayal will never be the same - now everything will be divided into "before" and "after". It hurts. Especially when you unconditionally trust a person and firmly believe that he loves you. The worn-out expression about rose-colored glasses, it turns out, is not at all a metaphor, and now you clearly understand that they flew out of your eyes.
A woman's first reaction is tears. Tears of bitterness, self-pity, anger towards her husband and his hobby: someone is hysterical, someone just silently cries. We ask questions, demanding to explain the reason for such treachery, sometimes we brawl, and even throw our fists. These are the emotions of the first days. It is difficult to cope with them - they have to go out, so you need to allow yourself to grieve and cry. And only then, with a fresh mind, it is possible to decide how to live with it, how to save the marriage and, in general, whether it is worth doing.
Reasons for male infidelity
Statistics say cheating is the most common cause of divorce. What pushes a man towards her? It is believed that this is a new love, passionate and all-consuming. This is wrong. Most often, cheating happens under the influence of alcohol, out of interest and in separation. Treason is preceded by:
- momentary weakness,
- desire to assert itself,
- thirst for novelty,
- tense atmosphere at home,
- cooling of feelings or their absence,
- long separation.
There may be many options, but they in no way justify a man. Betrayal and infidelity is mean and base. In the end, if something does not suit your marriage, you can say so and try to solve the problem with joint efforts. If it is absolutely unbearable to live under the same roof with your wife, then it is better to admit it and part, not tormenting yourself or her with vain hopes.
Be that as it may, very few act honestly. Most try to hide (or hide for a long time) their sin (or sins). And here, again, there are reasons:
- he really loves his wife, and everything that happened (sometimes under the influence of alcohol) is just an annoying mistake, for which the man sincerely regrets;
- during a long separation from his beloved, he suddenly could not resist the temptation - physiology took its toll (maybe under the influence of an intoxicant);
- he loves his wife, and is not going to part with her, but he became bored and tries to diversify his life;
- he sincerely believes that all men are polygamous and does not see anything wrong with cheating, equating sex with sports;
- feelings for his wife have long cooled down, but it is convenient for him to live with her - his life is adjusted, and he does not want to leave the children;
- the wife no longer evokes the old emotions, the relationship has been on the side for a long time, but it's scary to change everything, since there is no confidence in the future;
- he is not satisfied with the situation in the family, and he runs away from it.
Thus, an unfaithful husband can say a lot with his betrayal. He can designate himself as an egoist, to whom only his desires are important, he can express a protest, or he can open up from the other side.
How to proceed?
Before the first passions subside, some time will pass, which will allow you to decide on your decision. What to do? How to behave after your husband's infidelity? Forgive him? Forget everything? Revenge with the same coin? All these questions are swarming in the head of the deceived woman. The mood changes instantly - one minute she decides to abandon the traitor, the next - forgives his weakness. After a while, a plan of revenge arises in my head, in which she and her spouse will certainly swap places, and he will feel the bitterness of betrayal.
In fact, how to behave in such a situation, the husband will tell (oddly enough). If a man has lost interest in his wife and has long been burdened by marriage, he will behave defiantly. With all his appearance (and words), he will show that he does not care at all that his wife is suffering. On the contrary, he will emphasize that he is not ashamed that he does not consider it to be anything supernatural. And if the wife is hurt and offended, then this is her problem.
How to be in this case? You don't even need to guess - the man himself painted everything: a woman can only accept it if she wants to continue to preserve her marriage, or take drastic measures. As a rule, the first option does not lead to good - soon, tired of her husband's indifference and his constant betrayal, the woman still leaves. Completely devastated and trampled. Some, however, remain married, hiding behind the fact that all men are cheating and there is no point in changing the awl for soap. I don't even want to convince them of this.
If a man becomes attentive, considerate and tries in every possible way to make amends, he should not be chopped off the shoulder. Most likely, he sincerely regrets and is afraid of losing his spouse. Cheating brings a lot of grief, but if it happened through the fault of frivolity or momentary weakness, it does not threaten the marriage. On the contrary, many men admit that only after the betrayal did they truly appreciate their spouse. And most of them don't repeat their mistake.
Of course, cheating, whatever one may say, is not good. But this does not mean a break in the relationship - it is just a wake-up call, a crack and an inducement to work on mistakes. If the couple did not divorce under a hot hand, then, most likely, their union will become stronger and more reliable.
How can a woman survive a betrayal?
Now that the essence of infidelity is clear, it's time to figure out how a woman should behave with her husband.
- The sarcastic tone, sarcasm and constant reproaches must be removed as far as possible. We already threw out all the emotions right after the betrayal was revealed. Now you have to be above that. You need to communicate with your spouse evenly, somewhat cool and only to the point. Let him feel a little detached and a little nervous.
- Spending time together in the first days after infidelity is not the best idea. You will not say anything good to your spouse, and conversations will continue to revolve around a sore subject. But you should not give up on a joint trip to visit or to gatherings with friends. There you will be distracted from sad thoughts.
- Meeting friends, going shopping, going to a museum or a theater - you can and should. The more communication there is, the less time there will be for self-pity. And you don't really need to feel sorry for yourself in this situation.
- No matter how trite, but changes in appearance play an almost decisive role in this difficult period. A new hairstyle, makeup, a few pounds dropped - and now self-confidence has increased, the fear of loneliness has receded somewhere, and the unfaithful spouse is lost in guessing what prompted you to blossom.
- A new hobby will also come in handy. Psychologists say that the best medicine is employment. This is true. Knitting, sewing, beading or Greco-Roman wrestling - whatever. Give it all your strength and it will become much easier.
What not to do
It is not easy to survive the betrayal of your husband - it is very difficult to control your emotions, but there are things that cannot be done, in no case:
- constantly hysteria and reproach;
- close in oneself;
- tell everyone about what happened in the family (there is no need for extra gossip);
- take revenge with the same coin;
- pretend that nothing happened (the man must realize the mistake).
And further. If, after betrayal, a man left the family, this is not the end of the relationship. 75% of unfaithful husbands come back without finding in their mistress even a small fraction of what they need. And to accept the gulen back or not is a personal matter for everyone. The main thing is not to bring it to the point of absurdity.
