Emotional immaturity of a partner is a problem faced by thousands of adults. Emotionally immature people are often the source of family conflicts. They are not able to take responsibility, they have the emotions of a child, they do not know how to plan and see the prospect of their development.
Emotional maturity is considered by psychologists as the ability of a person to control his emotions and be responsible for both his own life and the lives of others. Emotionally mature people clearly and clearly see their lives, adequately respond to difficulties and know how to cope with them. Such people know how to cope with their emotions, that is, they can experience anger, irritation, disappointment, sadness, jealousy and other strong feelings, but not getting stuck in them, but quickly letting go. Emotionally immature people are their complete opposite.
Many psychologists view parenting in a dysfunctional family as the main cause of emotional immaturity. In such families, people are afraid to openly express their emotions, do not trust each other, deny the existence of problems, often conflict, blaming, insulting, criticizing and condemning each other, and also do not take into account the desires and needs of each of its members. Dysfunctional families are characterized by either overprotection or a complete lack of care for each other.
An emotionally immature person either has emotions, like a child, or they are completely absent. At the same time, emotional immaturity has no age restrictions: a person can have this negative characteristic at 20, 30, 40, and 60 years old. Those who decide to start a family with an emotionally immature partner should not hope that sooner or later he will change and grow up. Most emotionally immature people retain this personality trait for the rest of their days. Below are 7 tips to help you identify emotionally immature people.
They lack empathy
Emotionally immature individuals do not know how to empathize with people. It is difficult for them to put themselves in the shoes of other people, to understand what they feel, what emotions they are experiencing. Emotionally immature people are only interested in their feelings.
Emotionally immature people often lack the ability to empathize, not only at the level of interpersonal relationships, but also at the global level. For example, they do not feel sorry for children dying of cancer, starving poor people who are homeless as a result of a natural disaster. They use simple stereotypical concepts to explain these phenomena, for example, poor - because they do not work, sick - because they do not monitor their health, left without a roof over their heads - because the bad area and the house were not insured. Such people will not have a desire to help, since they do not care at all about the troubles of others.
They are never responsible for their actions
Emotionally immature people always shift the blame on other people and or external circumstances for their failures: “I got a bad mark not because I didn't learn, but because the teacher is angry”, “I didn't go to university, not because I didn't prepare well and didn't pass the exams, but because all around there are bribe-takers who enroll only for money "," they were fired from work, not because he was late and did not fulfill his job duties, but because the boss was bad ", and so on. Irresponsibility is one of the main signs of a lack of emotional maturity.
Emotionally immature people also see the absence of any benefits from themselves, not because they did not earn it, but because someone else took it away from them: “there is no money, because there are thieves around, and not because it doesn’t work”, "There is no love, because the normal ones were dismantled a long time ago, and not because the character is difficult", "there is no housing, because they did not give / donate / did not inherit, and not because he did not earn his own money."
Such people are not able to realize that they are responsible for what is happening in their lives. They are unable to foresee the consequences of their actions.
Emotionally immature people often have bad habits, such as alcohol, drug use, smoking, promiscuous sex. And they also justify their presence by external circumstances.
They do not listen to the opinions of others
Emotionally immature individuals are difficult to communicate with because they are unable to hear what other people are saying and thinking. It is useless for them to explain and prove something, for such people, as they say, "there are only two opinions - mine and the wrong one."
You shouldn't even try to convince an immature person that his opinion is wrong. Even under the weight of irrefutable evidence, they will stand their ground.
They strive to become stronger by suppressing other people
Emotionally immature people are insecure. Therefore, they constantly feel the need for self-affirmation. And they prefer to do this at the expense of other people.
Emotionally immature people often try to hook on the feelings of other people, to make them as painful as possible. This will make them feel better. These people like to label them, put others in a humiliating position, intimidate or show disrespect for their behavior. They find weak people, and due to their humiliation, they feel their superiority.
Moreover, if someone suddenly decides to "put in place" an emotionally immature person, then those around him will hear many cries about cruelty and injustice towards him. This is due to the fact that such people simply demand to be accepted as they are, and they themselves are not ready to take such a step.
They achieve everything with whims
If someone refused an emotionally immature person or simply did not agree with his opinion, then in response he may receive a grandiose childish tantrum. He will scream, cry, wave his arms, etc. People who are forced to live under the same roof with an emotionally immature person often have to give in to stop this tantrum.
Emotionally immature people never compromise. They will press and throw tantrums until they get their way. A partner in a relationship with such a person will constantly have to give up and sacrifice their own interests for the sake of the whims of an emotionally immature person.
Emotionally immature people find it difficult to maintain relationships with other people, because they can easily turn their friend into an enemy.
They do not care about the feelings of loved ones if they bother them
For emotionally immature individuals, family and friends are a tool for achieving personal goals. They, without a twinge of conscience, manipulate them in any, even the most vile ways. At the same time, they do not care what their loved ones experience, since the only person whose feelings they are interested in is themselves. They don't care about the problems of others, why they are angry, upset, crying, or anxious.
Moreover, emotionally immature individuals are irritated and angry by talking to loved ones and discussing their emotions. They don't care that their loved ones lack communication and support.
They play the role of a victim
Emotionally immature people like to play the victim when it suits them best. By taking on this role, they greatly distort reality, ignoring certain events, or take words out of context. For them, this is another way of manipulation.
Such people often choose partners for themselves, who will subsequently experience dependence on these relationships, so they will try with all their might to hold on to them. For emotionally immature people, this gives them the opportunity to act out dramas, cementing their position of the victim, which allows them to achieve what they want.
Emotionally immature people believe that the world revolves around them. Therefore, before starting to build relationships with such people or create families, it is worth thinking a thousand times whether the game is worth the candle. Such people will use the kindness of their partners for their own purposes in order to get what they want. And the likelihood that they grow up is extremely low.
If, nevertheless, for some reason a person is forced to live with an emotionally immature person, he needs to learn how to suppress whims and tantrums, completely ignoring them. In such a relationship, the partner will have to take on the responsibility of an adult who will take care of the upbringing of an emotionally immature person.
