Each of us sees pluses and minuses in our parents. These can be insults from childhood, disappointment that they did not receive much from them, which was very important for you. Now we will find out if there is a way to solve this problem. That is, is it possible to get rid of disagreements with loved ones.
There are many different problems faced by adult children. These problems are considered by family and developmental psychology. Parents most often need to understand and accept that their children have grown up, and the time has come to leave their "native" home. But grown-up children themselves often have problems, and psychologists offer some ways to solve these problems.
When we want to change something about our parents, it often leads to the opposite result. And if we start working on our attitude towards parents, then this has a positive effect.
First of all, you need to try to find the reasons in yourself. See and admit your mistakes. Take responsibility for communicating with them. Consider what can be changed to improve communication. How not to stir up a conflict, but, on the contrary, "kill" it at the very beginning. What if we ourselves are to blame for hurting father and mother with our harsh answers and unwillingness to be closer?
If it seems that parents allow themselves more than they need, in other words, they overstep boundaries or violate personal space, for example, they call several times a day or "delight" you with their visits every day, then perhaps they just do not have enough communication with you … Try to make time for them. Take control of the situation, schedule a meeting day once a week and call once a day every day, but yourself. And explain in an amicable way that there is no need to call 10 times a day.
You don't need to retrain your parents. Earlier mom and dad told us about what to be, what to do. Now that the children have grown up, they begin to do the same, that is, to "teach" their parents about life. Recognize and embrace their freedom. After all, they have their own personal lives, their own spiritual goals, their dreams in the end. Instead of. to judge, try to understand and help them fulfill their dreams. You need to support and appreciate your parents in difficult times.
Take responsibility for everything that happens in your life. Of course, what our parents laid in us in childhood is reflected in our future: behavior patterns, complexes and fears. But nevertheless, to blame and reproach them for the fact that your life did not turn out so because of the wrong upbringing, when you are already over 30, is useless. After all, if a person realizes that something is wrong in his life because of the wrong attitude to the world, then he can already change it.
After all, you have to be adults. We, without noticing it, all the time "cry" to mom and dad. And then it hurts us that they treat us like children. When we demand attention to ourselves and want to assert ourselves in our adulthood at the expense of our parents, we thereby again return to adolescence. The main thing that needs to be done now is to realize and hear what our mom and dad are trying to convey to us, so that later we don’t blame ourselves for not understanding their hints in time. After all, no matter how trite it may sound, but parents are the only people who care how our life develops.
