In family life, there is both mutual understanding and conflicts. It happens that a couple quarrels over mere trifles. But what if the conflict did occur: go to reconciliation or wait for him to do it? Sometimes you want your husband to take the first step, but this is not always easy to arrange.
Why is a woman the first to go to reconciliation?
Practice shows that it is most difficult to put up with family and friends. This phenomenon can be explained by the fact that the susceptibility of people to the actions of loved ones is overestimated. Grievances that have been inflicted on loved ones leave a deeper mark. At the same time, a person is practically unable to soberly evaluate them and easily experience them. But, nevertheless, if a loved one has offended, you strive for reconciliation with him.
Psychologists advise a woman to go first to reconciliation. They believe that the reason for this is the fact that it is easier for her to do this because of the stronger emotional side. In this, experts are not mistaken, but after all, it is not only about forgiveness. If a woman goes to reconciliation first, then, deep down, she has already forgiven her husband.
How to make your husband be the first to go to reconciliation?
The main reason why she does not want to forgive before he is, is the fear that a similar situation will happen again. And then the husband will understand that it is not necessary to put up with his wife first, because she will always do it instead of him. Thus, he will not consider himself guilty, and his behavior under such circumstances will become the norm.
The question arises why such a husband is needed who will constantly offend his wife without a twinge of conscience. But unfortunately, life is so arranged that not one person is imperfect. They may not notice their mistakes, however, this is the reality. Therefore, the easiest and most effective way to point out to a person his mistakes is to make him feel the same on himself.
It is not enough just to want to make peace with your husband, you need to be able to do it so that he understands his guilt. You need to make him realize the mistakes he made so as not to repeat them in the future. Here you need to act deliberately, while managing your emotions. There are several stages of talking with your husband:
1. An indication to the husband of his guilt.
2. Make the man learn to listen.
3. Go to the heart of the problem.
4. Listening to the arguments of the husband.
As for the first stage, sometimes a man simply does not know about his guilt, but he may not approach his wife out of pride. Perhaps during the scandal, his wife insulted him so that he now does not want to be the first to put up. However, the reason may be that the husband is simply convinced that he is right. He looks at circumstances from only one point of view.
Whatever the situation, there are reasons why the husband believes that the truth is on his side. You need to understand that his and her worldview is at odds, so you need to point him to the existence of a different point of view.
In the second point, you need to make your husband listen to himself. First you just need to apologize. This will endear the person to the interlocutor, and he himself will want to listen to him. And this is exactly what the wife needs now.
If you look at life correctly, you can understand that there is always something to apologize for. It can be harsh words, a raised tone, and impatience. You just need to explain to the man what the apology was for.
Now you can move on to the next item. It is worth explaining your point of view to your husband, if possible without using the unions "but", "a", "only" in your speech. In this case, you need to try not to go over to his side. It is necessary to describe to the husband the feelings and pain that she experienced during the quarrel. So you can show him how it looked from the outside.
And finally, the last point. You need to listen to your husband himself. It must be remembered that a one-sided conversation will not bring great results. Therefore, you need to let him speak.There is no need to expect an apology from a man, but if he speaks of understanding of the pain she experienced, and says that he will not allow this anymore, this will already be a victory on the part of his wife.
There is no need to delay the conversation. After the wife realizes that the husband has realized everything, you need to close the conversation. Thus, next time he will be able to overcome his pride and go to reconciliation first.