In the life of every family there comes a moment when the child no longer considers himself as such and wants the parents to recognize this fact. Self-reliance is great, but convincing a mom of her right to be called an adult can be very difficult.
Instructions
Step 1
Before defending your right to "adulthood," analyze your relationship with your mother. Do you think that she should take care of you, help in difficult situations, be responsible for the organization of her and your life on her own? If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, your claims to independence are reminiscent of the whims of a child who, although he argues with his mother, deep down believes that she is wiser and will settle everything herself over time. You are not psychologically ready to take responsibility for your life, as is typical for an adult.
Step 2
Analyze how you communicate with your mom, in particular, how you act in conflict situations. If you tend to be offended, throw tantrums and scandals, do something "to spite" your mother - you choose the communication style typical of the child. An adult tries to conduct a dialogue calmly, proving his innocence with the help of strong arguments, and also tries to understand the interlocutor and the motives of his behavior. Try to communicate with your mom in this way, and it will be easier for her to accept the seriousness of your position.
Step 3
Analyze the material aspect of your relationship. Many parents are ready to recognize their child as independent only if he has his own stable income. If you can fully support yourself financially, i.e. pay for your food and clothing, have your own (even if rented) housing, pay for your studies yourself and are able to pay for your entertainment - you can consider yourself an adult independent person. And, most likely, mom will agree with you.
Step 4
It happens that a mother is not ready to recognize the right to independence and "adulthood" for her daughter or son, even if all of the above conditions are met. In this case, you are faced with parental manipulation. Unfortunately, the habit of manipulating loved ones, including their children, is not uncommon. The reason may be a simple lack of attention to your mother, as well as her fear of losing control over the life of an adult child.
Step 5
Parental manipulation boils down to making the child feel guilty. Many are familiar with phrases like “I sacrificed my personal life (career, education, etc.) for you, but you …” or “You don’t think at all that I have poor health (shattered nerves, small pension, etc..) … . If you regularly hear phrases of this kind from your mother, know that in this way she is trying to manipulate you. It is not easy to stop manipulation, especially parental manipulation, but you can try to do it.
Step 6
Try to understand what drives your mom to manipulate. Perhaps this is just a habit, perhaps a fear of losing control of the situation, self-doubt, something else. Understand, mom does not do this "out of harm", she is just trying to solve her internal problems.
Step 7
Feel like an adult, not a child. Perhaps even more mature than mom. Try to show condescension to her weaknesses, do not take her assessments to heart and be patient, not allowing the dialogue to develop into another conflict
Step 8
Show sympathy for mom's problems, feel sorry for her, help her believe that you love her just like that, for what she is.
Step 9
Don't let your mom invade your personal space: she doesn't need to know the details of your personal and intimate life, the intricacies of your relationships with friends. Mark the boundaries of communication: so that the mother does not have the idea, for example, to call you in the middle of the night, call her yourself, preferably regularly.
Step 10
Spend time together. Dedicate your joint leisure time to what is interesting to your mother, support her hobbies. Do not forget to offer your help and sincerely enjoy the gifts and attention from her.
