It would seem that a woman in marriage is trying her best to be a comfortable, loving, kind, caring, gentle wife who pleases her husband in everything. However, years later, her husband divorces her, leaving either to another woman, or simply to nowhere. What is the reason? What motivates such a man? What does he lack in a marriage with such a wife?
In my consultations, I have more than once worked with young women who are on the verge of divorce or who are already alone. Seeing in front of you a completely attractive person, with a good figure, neat, kind, gentle, economic, the question may really arise: "What else did her husband lack?"
Plunging into the client's story about how her family life developed, what kind of relationship she had with her husband, the answer to the question becomes obvious. The experience of counseling men who have separated from such wives may be able to more accurately describe their motivation to end the relationship.
I will not be mistaken in saying that, perhaps, every man would like to see his family as a reliable rear. For many men, family comfort, peace and warmth in a relationship with a wife are important. But sometimes for some men, life in such a "safe haven" becomes boring and monotonous. There is a feeling of "everyday life", which introduces men into apathy, extinguishes aspirations, does not give bright colors of life and a feeling of drive.
Next to a sweet, kind wife, always waiting with a hot dinner on the table, docile, trying to please in everything, of course, it is convenient and comfortable. But there is no taste for life. There are no incentives and energy to strive for something, develop, reach new heights, overcome difficulties, etc.
Almost all men noted the fading of sexual interest in their wife. Sexual life with them became as boring and monotonous as living together. It also lacked emotion, drive, piquancy, intrigue and other components of an intimate life that excite feelings, imagination and passion. Sex for them became something like the fulfillment of a conjugal duty and the satisfaction of natural biological needs. Although, as many of my clients noted, wives watched their appearance, tried to look good, this did not arouse sexual interest.
Another important factor leading to a loss of interest in wives, men noted that their women ceased to develop intellectually and socially. They seemed to stop at the level of development that was before the wedding. Over time, husbands had nothing to talk about with their wife in the evenings, except to discuss family issues and problems at work.
As a result, according to the men, they had the feeling that they were limp and “put roots in the sofa”. Sooner or later, such a state of "endless calm" became unbearable for them. They saw marriage with his wife as a restraining force, suppressing their former activity. Men noted that sometimes they would like some kind of confrontation with their wife, arguments, exacerbation of contradictions, some kind of discomfort that would allow them to revive. They even tried to create conflicts in the family, but the wives quickly smoothed everything out, made concessions, agreed to their demands. The position of wives to please and not contradict their husbands in everything, to agree with them in everything, more and more pushed men to break out of this "comfort zone" in order to give themselves freedom for self-development and movement forward.
Men noted that, after parting with their wife, they were looking for such women, whom they would like to reach out to, with whom it was interesting to communicate, from whom they would learn a lot of new things, which would motivate them to new achievements, etc. The men considered parting with his wife as an opportunity to reach a new level, to make a new round in life, breaking out of the “comfort zone”.
