Falling in love is a natural part of growing up, but often adolescents are alone with this feeling, completely isolated from everyone. Worse, instead of trusting adults, they try to seek advice from their peers. In turn, this contributes to rash decisions and irrational actions. So, how can you help your child cope with their feelings.
How to recognize the right stage of falling in love
Understanding exactly what stage of falling in love a teenager is in will help his parents ease his pain and encourage him to react appropriately. The first love can occur at any age: from elementary to high school.
The most typical stages of teenage love are:
- worship, when a teenager idealizes an object for which he has strong feelings;
- high voltage, when the child wants to try to get closer to the object of his love;
- awkward romance;
- the final stage - a break in relations.
The most typical situation is when a teenager discovers that the object he is idealizing is not at all who he imagined it to be. Some children are able to easily and simply skip this stage if the relationship becomes a friendship. Others may spend months or years harassing themselves over the first loss.
In addition, do not discount the fact that unrequited love can lead a teenager to destructive actions that can lead to irreparable consequences. Therefore, the parent's task is to support their child during such a period.
Fathers and children, or a heart-to-heart talk
For a teenager, first falling in love is a turning point in his life. He learns to make serious decisions on his own and to cope with his feelings. And a parent can become a friend for him, who will listen, encourage and support him, subtly advise something.
You will be able to cope with the frantic hormonal surge in your grown-up child much more easily if you remember and understand the fact that the teenage brain is more impulsive and emotional than rational.
Finding the right and appropriate words to help your child feel more confident and comfortable can be challenging. Say something good about the subject of his love, for example, "I can understand why she / he is so attracted to you." You can also put it this way: "He / she seems to be really very nice (s) / cute (s)".
Try to ask your child why he or she likes the person. Talk to him about how he feels and thinks about this situation and about the object of his love. This way you will understand what is really going on. Tell your child that falling in love is a natural part of growing up, then share with him the story of your first love. Let him know that all people have similar feelings, each in his own way.
It is very important not to make your teen feel ashamed or embarrassed. Many parents themselves find it difficult to talk about feelings with their children and behave in an authoritarian and extremely agitated or, on the contrary, somehow awkward. Unfortunately, by such behavior, they cause shame in the child, which can give rise to serious psychological complexes in the adolescent.
It is best if you are a democratic parent, open enough and sincere with your child, and also capable of treating him as a person.
It is a very big mistake to tell your child what he should or cannot feel. The words "you are too young to fall in love or to love" - it is more likely to give the opposite result and cause a defensive response.
You need to understand that parents do not have the right to interfere with the personal space of a teenager without his consent. As much as you would like to be good to your child, you should not impose your opinion and control on him. This can alienate the teenager, and he may emotionally withdraw from you. Therefore, you need to act very, very delicately.
