Building a strong, prosperous family is not easy. Especially when someone else intervenes. Especially if this third one is a mother-in-law. The second mother always knows what is "best" for her son, and stubbornly imposes her vision of the situation on everyone around him.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: who is to blame and what to do
Usually, the daughter-in-law's problems with her mother-in-law arise because the young family lives with the husband's parents. The couple is always supervised, and a caring second mother is ready to intervene in case of the slightest trouble.
An attempt to coax a mother-in-law with gifts is not always successful. You may not please, the more inflame the second mother who loves squabbles.
To prevent this from happening, it is better, of course, to live separately. But if this is not possible, dare to have a serious conversation. Explain to your mother-in-law that you and your husband are no longer small. You work, provide for yourself, pay utility bills, buy groceries. You live completely independently and are ready to take responsibility for your actions.
Say that your mistakes, problems and quarrels are your questions. You can easily solve them without the intervention of third parties. And if you suddenly need help, the first thing you do is turn to your husband's parents for advice. Usually, such a conversation is perceived very well and the mother-in-law, if she is an adequate, intelligent woman and wishes only the best for you, will no longer creep into your life.
Mother-in-law does not understand words - how to find a common language
If the mother-in-law loves her son too much, plans to take care of him all his life, then after a frank conversation she will continue to pester your family. The best option in this situation would be to move out. To begin with, to a rented apartment. But if for some reason this is impossible, you will have to keep the defense together with your husband.
Always speak respectfully to your mother-in-law. Yes, your calmness can trigger an aggressive reaction. But if after that you don't explode, the mother-in-law's anger will subside and the scandal will subside.
The first step is to agree that you behave in the same way with your mother-in-law. That is, it should not be such that the son agrees with his mother in everything, and the daughter-in-law is always against. You are a family. Before getting into an argument with your husband's mom, find out the general position. After that, act on the basis of the decision made.
Try not to irritate the mother-in-law and generally show her in the eyes less. It happens that relatives cling to each other only out of boredom. If you come home only to spend the night, you will have no reason for conflicts, and the mother-in-law will find herself new entertainment.
If your second mom gets you on the phone, don't pick up the phone. If something serious happens, they will send you an SMS and you will immediately call back. And if the calls were for nothing, you can say that you did not pick up the phone, because you were at a meeting or out of range.
