There is a model of relationships where there is a constant transition from love to hate. Young people sometimes quarrel, then violently reconcile. Or a young man constantly allows himself insults to his beloved, and then shows tenderness and care. What kind of relationship is this? How should a girl behave in such a relationship?
Which means, first offends, and then kisses
It is essentially an emotional roller coaster. In such a relationship, there is a constant transition from love to hate and back. Constant tension and intense emotions fuel the bond between the couple. From the outside, it seems that such a relationship is very fragile. In fact, they can last for many years. This happens because the girl falls into a kind of dependence on the young man. After all, he expresses his love so violently and apologizes after quarrels.
You shouldn't try to change a person
At the beginning of a relationship, both partners adjust to each other. They gradually figure out how best to deal with each other. With the normal development of relations, it is enough for a girl to literally express her displeasure about any actions of a young man in relation to her literally several times, so that he corrects his behavior. If this does not happen, you should not try to remake the guy's character. Do not hope that the girl with her love will be able to change him. If a man needs a relationship, he will do everything in his power, he will change his behavior himself in order to maintain this love.
When a guy insults a girl from time to time, and then violently apologizes, promising not to do this again, the girl should clearly understand that it is unlikely that something will change. It is important to make an informed choice: does she agree to such a relationship? Does she accept this young man for who he is?
Get out of the victim position
In its extreme expression, this model of the relationship between a girl and a guy leads to domestic violence. Psychologically, there is not much difference between insults and physical violence: both are cruelty towards a woman.
It is important to understand that relationships are always built by both partners. Both man and woman contribute to them. It's easy to blame the guy who insults the girl for everything. Indeed, barbs directed at the weaker sex are ugly. But that means that the girl herself allows herself to be treated like that. She takes the position of the victim. First, she will allow herself to be insulted, then a slight slap in the face, and all ends with beatings.
Getting out of the victim's position can be quite difficult. And sometimes it is simply impossible without the help of others: close friends or a psychologist, for example. The first step for this is realizing your benefits from a relationship with such a young man. The girl must clearly admit to herself what exactly she gets from such a relationship. After all, if she did not stop dating this guy after the first insult to her, then the relationship is valuable to her. Most likely, both become addicted to adrenaline: reconciliation after a scandal and insults is usually very violent. The intensity of emotions persists constantly. Whereas in a healthy relationship, passionate love gradually weakens, giving way to calm love, respect and friendship. And from such a calm love, young people become bored.
Make an informed choice
If a girl herself understands well why she remains in a relationship with a young man, then she retains the levers of control over her life. She can make a conscious choice, and not blindly follow her man. The choice of each particular girl is whether to stay in a relationship where the guy allows himself insults towards her. But, even after stopping dating a guy, she needs to analyze her own behavior: why did she allow herself to be treated like that? After all, if a girl does not understand this, then she runs the risk of building a new relationship in which there will be the same problems with the young man.
