Violence. Where does it come from in the family? All suitors are good in their own way, where do bad husbands come from? It is especially sad if the matter is not limited to frequent swearing in the house, and the man habitually raises his hand to the woman. The widespread female opinion that "it was as if the man was replaced" is self-deception. The propensity for violence is determined at the first stage, in the "candy-bouquet" period of the relationship. How to recognize in a loving boyfriend a future family despot and rapist?
Instructions
Step 1
They say love is blind. During courtship, women tend to overlook the obvious, being under the "hypnosis" of masculine charm, which many men "turn on" at full capacity. Such "blindness" is usually based on unconscious self-deception. Meanwhile, it is not so difficult to determine aggressive manifestations by phrases and actions, with a critical look at the chosen one.
What are the signs of a future family despot?
Step 2
A man is inclined to speak about women with a note of contempt, he gladly tells dirty jokes, uses profanity about women or in conversation with them. Beware: he will never see a "equal" in a woman, he will humiliate his "soul mate". If you naively believe that the slippery phrases, derogatory epithets that your acquaintance makes about other women will not affect you, you are mistaken. Sooner or later, he will let go of the same in your address.
Step 3
If your friend is picky about your clothes, forbids wearing, in his opinion, defiant outfits, if he is annoyed by male attention to you - do not be moved. This is not a concern for you, but a psychological complex that will subsequently manifest itself in full: jealousy, irritability, the desire to control your every step, imposing your own ideas about how you "should live." Not much time will pass, and you run the risk of hearing very unflattering characteristics and derogatory words in your own address. And psychological abuse, sooner or later, is likely to turn into physical - when you try to rebel in response to such severe pressure.
Step 4
Any sane woman should be alerted by the curiosity of a “hand and heart” contender: if he tries to find out information about you “behind his back,” enter your personal space - for example, read your e-mail, the contents of personal correspondence on social networks, check the contents of your bag … Sooner or later, he will try to establish total control over your every step. The same goes for morbid curiosity about your “before him” personal life, especially if this curiosity manifests itself in the form of real interrogation, and in response to your frankness you receive a “dramatic” emotional reaction or imposing guilt on you.
Step 5
Take a closer look at how aggressive the man is in the physical sense. Hugs against your will, attempts to "strangle" that seem at first an innocent joke, insistence on sexual contact when you are not in the mood for it, the use of physical force in different situations in relation to you - for example, violent actions with the intention of taking you from something or drag it away from the counter in the store. All this suggests that your groom will not reckon with you in the future, with your desires, but will consider you as ordinary property, which must obey him without complaint.
Step 6
Pay attention to how restrained he is in emotions, how quick-tempered, prone to anger at the time of an argument or disagreement with him. Proving his case in an argument, a potential domestic rowdy will demonstrate outbursts of rage, pounding on the table with his fist, "chopping the air" with the edge of his hand, swearing, cursing, throwing things, tearing letters, breaking objects, or causing any material damage in other ways. Observe how he treats pets: does it give him pleasure to hit the dog, kick the cat? If such aggression is manifested even before marriage, think about what your life can turn into when you become a legal wife.
Step 7
Listen to his speech: the abundance of the pronouns "I" will tell you about selfishness, and the abundance of imperative moods in communicating with other people - about unhealthy authority. Talk to your groom, ask about his childhood, relationships with parents. Better yet, get to know his parents in person. The relationship in the family of the future spouse is unlikely to hide from an attentive sober look. Is his father prone to violence? How respectful is your potential husband to his mother? After all, he will build his family in the same way.
Step 8
What other character traits should alert you? A tendency to depressive states, negative statements about other people, wishes of evil to enemies, blaming others for their troubles, excessive "vulnerability", resentment, jealousy - all this suggests that a person does not quite adequately relate to reality. Sooner or later it will turn against you - and you will hear in your address that you are ugly, stupid and no one needs. For a rapist, it is necessary to lower a woman's self-esteem so as not to feel remorse.
So, no matter how sorry you feel about the relationship, don't lie to yourself. A person, especially an established person, cannot be corrected. Negative traits will only get worse over time. And the highest value in family relationships is not only love, mutual attraction - but also your own personality, freedom, which no one should be allowed to violently suppress.
