Today I am a mother of many children and during my motherhood I have gained and continue to gain invaluable experience that I am ready to share. Of course, from the very beginning I did not know how to raise my son. There were many doubts and questions …
Once, being not yet an experienced mother of a newborn boy, I was lucky enough to witness an extremely interesting scene. It played out right in front of my eyes, so close that I could see all its nuances. From that time on, I was seriously interested in the topic of masculinity and femininity and started looking for an answer to the question: what can I, how can a boy's mother do for her baby, so that in the future a "real man" will grow out of him. A little more time passed and gradually a realization began to come, an understanding of the meaning of the roles of each of the spouses, also gradually there was a liberation from false ideas about men, inspired by outdated social stereotypes … But that was all later, and that day … … The fast train carried me away along dark subway tunnels. Sitting comfortably on the seat, I held in my hands a well-known book, thoughtfully leafing through the frayed pages. Pictures changed behind the glass walls, leaving behind, one after another, the comprehended stations. There were not many people in the carriage of the electric train, but at the same time there were no free seats either. Each guest here was minding his own business: someone was reading, another was asleep, the third, wearing headphones, enjoyed the sound of music. Opposite me was a family - a woman of about forty and her son, who looked about twelve years old. The train moved forward, and I continued to soar mentally in the printed world. At some point, looking up, I discovered that we were going to stop. Another moment and the doors swung open, cordially inviting the waiting passengers inside. A lady of prestigious age, about seventy-five years old, appeared in the wide opening. Looking around, she went straight in my direction. I prepared to rise, but then I saw a teenage boy throwing an arrow into the sky in front of me. The elderly woman nodded approvingly and plopped down on the vacant seat. I looked at the boy and admired what I saw: previously lost in the crowd, unremarkable, now illuminates the whole space with its presence. His eyes sparkled with sparks of light, his torso straightened, and his figure took on the shape of an inverted triangle. Masculine energy spilled over his body. The teenager was pleased with the act. It was very pleasant to look at him. Everything was as if in its place. … But not for long. Bursting in like a typhoon, the mother of our hero interrupted the idyll. Suddenly she jumped up and literally sat her son in his place. The woman grabbed the handrail and, wiggling from side to side - strong-willed and selfless, with an imperturbable look, she continued flipping through the pages of a women's magazine. Her thick brows were furrowed, reminiscent of a deep ditch in the thickening twilight rather than beautiful moons. I watched the development of events. The boy timidly raised his eyes and tried to argue: "Mom …" - but did not dare to continue and stopped short. - Sit down, I said! the woman ordered. A shy bright pink paint spilled out on the kid's face, staining almost the entire surface of the skin with uneven large spots. Just a moment ago, full of strength, the desire to live and do things … he sat in front of me with his head bowed, tightly pressing it into his sloping shoulders. He did not dare to argue and doomedly obeyed the woman-mother, who lived in her own world and did not notice what was happening. Since then, I have been able to see quite a few of these pictures. Boys were getting smaller in age, and mothers were getting younger. But every time everything was repeated again: mom hurried to seat the beloved child in an empty seat, while remaining standing in front of her son, often tired and even exhausted, with heavy bags in her hands. There are other situations in which you can see how a spouse skillfully manages an adult husband, controlling and correcting his every step. Doesn't every woman dream of being in worthy man's arms, feeling a strong shoulder next to her, feeling “like behind a stone wall,” while allowing herself to be herself and enjoying herself, to live the life of a Woman? How many Wives sincerely want to admire a close man - a spouse, beloved, as many Mothers want to be proud of their son. I am writing not at all to express condemnation, but sincerely want to draw our maternal attention to the upbringing of little boys and suggest: sons. To see in that the PROCESS, which naturally implies Development, awareness and, of course, Time. (Whereas, in the conventional sense, the definition of "a real man" is rather the end result.); * Think about the fact that, according to psychologists, the formation of the role of a father and a man occurs in early childhood - at the age of 5 years! And the experience and ideas gained are assimilated deeply at a subconscious level; * Look from the outside at ourselves, the inner circle in order to see exactly where we - mothers - show excessive care, guardianship or control, thereby not allowing or significantly inhibiting the development of male potential in our sons; * Reflect on how we could contribute to the development of our child. After all, years later, a little boy will have to take responsibility for his wife and children, for providing for his family, for solving major social problems; natural destiny has to be realized. Tell me, what do you think, at what age can you start raising a man in your son? How would you answer this question? At fifteen, ten, or five years old? It seems to me that it is possible to educate and guide a child even earlier, when the child begins to listen to the words and carefully look at the world around him - even before a year. Of course, at the very beginning of the path, we are able by our actions to demonstrate examples of virtue, care, responsibility. Allowing fertile ground to receive. But soon enough, layer by layer, the boy's understanding of his role in the family, society, the world will gradually lay on this solid foundation … I have combined several examples from the life of how Mom and Dad (if any) of a little boy could contribute to the formation male character traits. Completely at your discretion. Because upbringing is an art and presupposes an exclusively creative and individual approach to each child individually (due to the uniqueness of the personality), and even to the same child, an updated approach is required at different periods of life. I am sure that you will supplement the list with your own developments and observations. And in the end, you will find what is most suitable for your family. Recommendations from Experienced Mothers: 1. Of course, the best upbringing is our own example, what we really live and breathe, what we really are. Words that are not supported by a worldview and action become empty and useless. For example, from an early age (even before a year), you can focus the baby's attention on the fact that dad opens doors for mom, gives a coat, carries heavy bags; should give way to the elderly and pregnant women themselves. 2. Communicate with the child and explain your actions. It is very good to articulate the reasons for your behavior. For example, when you give up a seat in transport or help your grandmother up the stairs, you can explain that it is difficult for a person to stand, his legs hurt, and he may fall. For those who have grandparents, compare them. Strangers are a kind of abstraction for a child, and when an analogy with well-known people arises, it becomes clearer why you need to behave this way. 3. Encourage and praise the child. Mark those actions that relate to the act of kindness, caring for the people around him, etc. 4. To teach to independence. Let me give you an example of one woman who, from childhood, taught her son to take care of himself. She taught him everything: cook, clean, wash, iron, and even sew on a sewing machine. Not knowing the future of her son, she prepared him in the best way. Now an adult, an accomplished man - the father of five children. He can always come to the aid of his wife and be her helper. 5. Accept help from the child. It is very important to teach children not only to take, but also to give love, care, help. If a child offers to help you, takes initiative, it is good to learn to accept it, as far as possible. This is how one friend of mine sits down on his haunches every time when a little son hurries to give his mother a coat. And the other, does not refuse to sit in an empty seat, while her five-year-old son remains standing next to him. 6. Teaching children to do good should be the same as everything else. In our family, we tell when and how dad and mom go to help their parents. It is good when the child begins to realize that mutual help exists in the family and what exactly it can be. When we are preparing to donate clothes to low-income families, the children themselves can express their desire and select toys for children in need. 7. Engage in work that you can. Many mothers I know do the following: if on the way from the store there is a small bag at hand for the child, they give it to their son (a plastic bag is suitable for a two / three-year-old child). 8. Foster responsibility. It is useful to entrust the affairs, according to the age of the child, he is feasible, it is desirable that among them there were "assigned" to the child (wash a cup for yourself, regularly water a flower or feed a parrot, clean shoes, etc.). Responsibility grows with the child: the older the child, the more it is, respectively. One family I know, leaving the children at home alone, chooses the “responsible” one. The next time this honorable role goes to another child. Children are waiting for their turn! Father and son can go together on "men's affairs": bring heavy bags, warm up and clean the car, snow in the yard, put together a baby bed for their little sister or buy flowers, etc. And finally, I would like to note: both in any business, and, contributing to the formation of male character traits in a son, it is important not to overdo it. It is not worth putting on a uniform that does not fit on a small and still not strong child. He has yet to become an adult and responsible man, the head of the family, passing along the lines of life. But I think it's worth encouraging kindness, responsibility and care for the people around him. Not forgetting that in front of you is a small person who has the right to be weak, and is not obliged to meet your expectations every time (like any other inhabitant of the Earth, by the way). And to show patience and wisdom, because for the disclosure of any full potential (male is no exception), all human life is given…. Ekaterina Shabanova, Mother of many children, trainer, consultant, Head of the ROO "HAPPY FAMILY"
