Developing and growing up, each child gradually gets to know the world around him and learns the rules of existence in it. One of the tasks of upbringing is to help the child understand what framework it is impossible to go beyond and why. On this path, one has to set restrictions in the form of punishments.
How to make the punishment not just a “payback” for a bad deed, but also a lesson for the future and a way to correct the harm caused?
To use punishment as little as possible, you need to try to prevent an unwanted situation. To do this, you should:
• explain to the child why they should not do this and, if possible, demonstrate the results of disobedience;
• explain that there are categorical prohibitions forever (you cannot run out onto the road) and temporary (today it is very cold, you cannot walk, but when it gets warmer, we will go up the hill);
• the rules should apply to everyone, not just the child (everyone should brush their teeth and wash their hands) and always;
• it is imperative to take into account the age (requirements for a preschooler and a teenager should be different).
But if you have to resort to punishment, then:
• this should be done calmly, not in a fit of anger. Breathe in deeply several times, say to yourself: "Calm!", And then act;
• for different offenses - different punishments. The punishment for showing your neighbor your tongue and for throwing packages from the balcony cannot be the same;
• the punishment must be age appropriate. A preschooler perceives time differently from an adult, and it is useless to punish him after half a day; for a teenager, it will be normal to postpone the analysis of the situation until the evening. A two-three-year-old will not be able to stand in a corner for a long time or sit quietly, so three to five minutes of a corner will be enough for him.
What forms of punishment are acceptable:
• penalties (remove scattered debris, wash the painted wall);
• a fairy tale for a kid with heroes committing similar misconduct and analysis of "why not" and "how to do it right";
• isolation (corner, chair);
• deprivation of pleasant things (computer, sweets);
• self-punishment (allow cold water to be spilled on yourself);
• a shout and a stern voice (a measure is also needed so that children do not stop responding);
• a stern look;
• explanation (when the offense was committed for the first time and the child does not understand what is wrong with it).
There are adults who believe that the only effective punishment is physical. But experience suggests otherwise. Physical punishment is unacceptable because:
• the threshold of sensitivity decreases over time and the child does not react to anything except the belt;
• the child tries to avoid punishment in any way (lies, hides the diary, hides from the parents);
• considers cruelty to be the norm and resolves all issues with the help of fists;
• a choleric child will not accept the punishment and will try to “give change”.
Beating and moral humiliation, evil ridicule are no better. The likelihood of doing the same is very high, parents can hear the same from grown children.
There are times when a child is naughty, shouts, spills food, etc. because he:
• is very tired and wants to sleep;
• just woke up;
• got sick, but no obvious signs of the disease are yet visible;
• experienced severe stress or trauma (death, scary scene).
In these cases, it is impossible to punish. Better to calm the baby down, put him to bed, hug or start treatment.
In upbringing, respect for the individual, attention and desire to understand are important, which form trusting relationships and mutual love.
