When a family is expecting a second baby, it is a joy for everyone. But how does the older child perceive this news and how does he feel?
With the arrival of the youngest child, the situation in the family begins to change dramatically. Before that, the eldest was the only child of his mom and dad, and now he has to share the attention of his parents with his little brother or sister. To one degree or another, regardless of age, the child experiences a stressful state, as a result - there is a feeling of jealousy and ownership of his parents.
In quarrels and fights, rivalry between children for the attention of parents and the manifestation of greater love for themselves is manifested. To avoid conflicts that arise, parents can apply the following guidelines.
Preparation. A few months before the expected birth, tell your baby that you will soon have another baby in your family. It is best to talk about this right now, when the child can see confirmation of your words.
Family council. It is better to collect it just before childbirth. Bring everyone in your family to the same table, including the grandparents who live with you, and discuss plans for the future. How, for example, the nursery will be furnished. Consider everyone's opinion, especially the older child's. It is quite possible that his self-esteem will increase from the fact that adults are considered with his opinion, and, as a result, the desire to help will increase.
Tell your child about possible changes in the home with the arrival of a baby in the family, that the usual course of life will change. That now the older child will be brought to kindergarten (or school) not by the mother, but by the grandmother, for example, etc.
Distribute the responsibilities of caring for the baby by giving the older child the choice of what he will do: rock the crib, for example, or tell a bedtime story. Thus, the child will feel that he is taking an active part, on an equal basis with his parents, in the upbringing and care of the younger one.
The most important thing is trust. If the elder asks to hold the baby, but you think that he does not have enough strength, put him in a chair and put the baby on his knees, while remaining nearby to control the situation. Entrust the older child with the education of the younger and pay attention to the baby's response: how he smiles at the older one and walks. Do not forget to praise the older child, it is very important for him now.
It so happens that the child does not want to help and ignores the younger child in every possible way. Do not force the younger to take part in the life, you may encounter a hostile reaction. Do not scold the child for showing jealousy, accept the situation, set aside time for playing only with the older child.
Stop any attempts at competition between children, the desire of children to compare themselves with each other. Emphasize the merits for each separately, without pointing out the disadvantages of the other. It is much better to teach children to manage conflicts themselves, to teach cooperation and diplomacy, of course, when children are older.
Remember: the nature of the relationship between children fully depends on the parents. To minimize the stress of having a younger child, parents need to be responsive to the needs of older children.
