The first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "divorce" is stress. Adults experience this easier, since they have life experience behind them, they can control themselves, they have friends and relatives who will always give them their shoulder. The situation is different with children; as a result of divorce, they lose their families. A completely logical question appears in their heads: "Why?". They see sad parents and are well aware that there is no return to the past.
In our country, it is quite rare that people disperse without losing their own dignity and humiliating another. A fairly small number of people manage to move from family relations to friendly or, in extreme cases, neutral. Anger, the desire to hurt another supplant tenderness, love, care. There are no winners in this struggle, only victims, and most often they are children.
So, a typical situation: it is necessary to convey to the child that the parents will now live separately.
When deciding to talk about divorce with a child, you need to be patient, be careful and precise when choosing your words. In order for the child to perceive your words correctly, the situation should be inviting, calm; soft tone; and you are restrained. It is good if both parents are present during this conversation, this will allow the children to understand that even in this difficult situation, both parents continue to love them.
When this news is brought to the child by one of the parents, the situation is aggravated. It is important to adhere to neutrality here, in no case should the child feel that the other parent is bad. You may have a new spouse or spouse - the child will never have a new dad or a new mother. A child's love for his parents is boundless, unselfish. Accusations by one parent of the other will only cause more pain and anxiety in the baby.
You need to be prepared for the fact that your child will do everything in his power to unite the family, he will often ask about the other parent. You need to be patient and carefully, but convincingly, make it clear to the child that there is no turning back.
It rarely happens that people get divorced for no apparent reason. A large number of claims have been accumulating in the family for a long time. Clarifications, grievances, scandals begin, and all this is seen by the children. From the realization that something is wrong in the family, children become scared. When you see that there is no other way besides divorce, then you need to start preparing the baby for this news. It is necessary to convey to the child that parents can no longer live together, and that divorce in no way means that daddy is leaving forever. He will come, he will always come to the rescue when it is necessary. He must know that the divorce is a matter for the parents, that both parents will love him as well as before. Your child should know why his parents can no longer be together, and the older the child, the more he has the right to know. However, the most difficult details that can hurt a child should be omitted. Here, as never before, the rule “grows up - understands” is better suited.
The child should learn about the impending divorce from you, but in no case from the gossip neighbors or compassionate relatives.
In preschool age, the child considers himself to be the most important, therefore, he often begins to look for the reason for the separation of parents in himself, in his behavior. Loving parents will try to solve this problem together. It is quite simple to do this: you just need to tell your child that you love him, appreciate him, that his success is important to you.
Do not overload the child physically and mentally. He is already thinking hard about what is happening. Give him more positive emotions. He feels your tension, aggression and behaves accordingly. His behavior can become capricious, whiny, withdrawn. Do not yell at him for this in any way, he has not yet learned to control his emotions. The best medicine in this case would be a walk, your peace of mind and a bedtime story.
If you plan to change your place of residence and the place of residence of the child, both you and he must be prepared for the fact that he will have to go through a long period of getting used to new people, neighbors, friends. Better to postpone this. You can not restrict the child in communication with the parents of the ex-husband or wife. Grandparents are essential for a child. One should always speak well of them, however, it is worth paying attention to the mood with which he returns home. It may be that there he is being turned against you. This should prompt you to have a frank conversation with recent relatives.
This is just a small part of what will help the baby survive the divorce of the parents. Anything that seems mundane to you can be taken much more seriously by a child. And demanding adult behavior from him is stupid, you just need to give him time and just be there.
