More than once I had to hear stories about how, after returning from the hospital with a replenishment, a happy mother faced with an unexpected reaction of the older child to the appearance of a new family member. "Throw it in the trash" - sounds like a bolt from the blue. And now what to do with it?
It is better, of course, not to bring to this dramatic moment when you have to think on the go how to fix the situation. The reaction of an older child is predictable and understandable for a thinking and loving parent. The child is used to being the only one, to feel like the center of the family, on which the attention of all adults is focused.
Who would like it if mom, instead of playing or reading in the evening, goes to bathe and rock the screaming baby for a long time? And the usual schedule has changed, because his mother now feeds him every three hours. He also had to give up his crib, because he is small, and you are already big. All this is very insulting, unfair and it is better to give it back to the store, put it in cabbage, return it to the stork or the nurse in the hospital, who took it out and gave it to dad.
Then these childish emotions, this painful, unbearable jealousy for a little person can forever destroy relations between relatives, put an insurmountable barrier between them even of unrecognized hostility.
It is in the power of smart and loving parents to build friendly, friendly relations between children, based on love, attention to each other, and mutual care. How to make sure that the children are friendly, that they have good feelings for each other, and not jealousy and eternal rivalry?
It is much easier to resolve issues when they do not stand upright, demanding immediate solutions, but anticipating the possibility of their appearance, take measures to turn the situation in the right way.
The simplest situation in this sense is when the children are the same. In this case, they take each other's presence in their lives for granted, it is also highly likely that they will have common friends, interests, games and hobbies. If the child is already aware of himself as a part of the family, there may be more problems and they may be different, depending on age.
If the eldest child is still a small child, a preschooler or a junior schoolboy, then as soon as it becomes known that there will be a replenishment in the family, organize a general family holiday with an interesting event for the child: visiting a panda park, zoo, aqua park or any other place where a child loves to be. What was the reason for the general family rejoicing, the child should learn from the parents' story that the same holiday was, when they learned that he would soon appear in the family, everyone was just as happy and looked forward to his birth. And if it’s a holiday, then everyone should certainly be presented with memorable thematic gifts with some family symbols - there is room for imagination. For adults, gifts can be symbolic, but it is better for a child to give something that he has long dreamed of. On this happy day for the whole family, he should be fine, and the first emotion associated with the imminent appearance of a brother or sister should be positive.
Throughout pregnancy, plan with your baby for the future when the baby arrives. Tell your child how it will be good for them to play together, how they will be friends, what reliable protectors they will be for each other, how they will walk the dog and walk to the park together, come up with performances for the holidays and prepare various surprises, assemble a construction set and play outdoor games … And how great it will be for everyone to go on vacation, to the sea or to the village. Children love to dream of a wonderful future, to make plans, and in all details. Let in these plans he gets used to seeing the future brother or sister, he begins to wait for his appearance. Parents need to be sensitive to the mood of their child, to see his reactions in order to understand where the problem may arise.
If the older child is still asleep in the crib, which you later plan to give to the newborn, then move him to a new place three months before the baby appears, so that it does not look like the younger is taking something away from the older one. Make the relocation enjoyable. If you need to buy a new bed or sofa for a senior, let him participate in the purchase, consider his opinion and wishes when buying. If he moves to an existing bed, then buy a beautiful bedspread or sleeping set for him personally. And do this with your child as well. Let there be as many pleasant moments as possible at all stages of waiting for the baby.
In conversations, you should try to emphasize all the advantages of being a senior. For example, to discuss that when you go to the sea, the baby will only be able to wet his legs, and for him, since he is already big, it is time to learn to swim and you must not forget to buy oversleeves. You can plan that as soon as you can go out for a long time, you will go for a walk to the park, where the baby will go in a stroller and sleep, and the elder would not hurt to buy a scooter or sparkling sneakers, and maybe even with built-in wheels. If you have plans to buy a bunk bed later, then, of course, the elder will sleep upstairs by his legal right.
And, of course, everything promised will need to be fulfilled when the time comes.
On the day of discharge, the nurse can be given a gift for the older child in advance, however small, and ask her to present the gift and congratulate the older brother or sister on such a wonderful event when she gives the newborn to the greeters.
And it is important, in the hustle and bustle of endless affairs, not to forget that your grown up elder, but still a baby, really needs to be hugged, put on his knees or side by side, kissed and told that he is the best and beloved.
If the age difference between children is large, then the mother has the right to count on some help from the older child, but without shifting her responsibilities onto him, not building her life at the expense of the older child. When deciding on the birth of a baby, you need to calculate your strength so that the elder does not become a burden to help in caring for the younger, irritation does not accumulate in his address, and at the same time in the direction of the parents. It often happens that while helping parents raise their younger children, the older ones, having become adults, postpone the birth of their own children for a long time, or even do not want to become parents at all. After all, giving birth to one or ten is the parents' own choice and, involving older children in caring for the younger ones - which is fair and quite permissible, nevertheless, you basically need to rely on your own strengths and capabilities.
These are very simple tips, but by ignoring such little things in life, we are preparing ourselves big problems. You just need to be more attentive and careful to each other.
