“He beats - that means he loves”, “Deserved”, “Brought a man” - these and other phrases make a woman who has been subjected to physical violence in the family to feel that she is not a victim, but the culprit of what happened. You can be silent, hide, endure for a long time until the result of the next quarrel becomes deplorable and irreversible. The number of murders committed on the basis of family scandals is off the charts. So that it doesn't come to assault, it is necessary to calculate the male aggressor in advance - during the courtship period.
How it all begins
The male aggressor never shows his aggression in front of strangers. During courtship, he is usually charming, sweet and courteous: he gives flowers, endures whims, guesses and fulfills whims, etc. At these moments, the tyrant himself believes that he sincerely loves, therefore he honestly declares this and insists on an imminent wedding.
Unjustified expectations in the future also cause the first impulse of hostility in a man. You can bring a tyrant to clean water in the candy-bouquet period if you behave deliberately defiantly: do everything in spite of everything, for example.
The root of aggression against women lies in the boy's relationship with his mother. Take a closer look at the future mother-in-law, find out about the relationship in the man's family, about family traditions, etc. You should be alerted by the excessive obedience of a man in the presence of his mother: "mama's sons" cannot openly oppose the mother's dictatorship, therefore, in the first case, they take revenge on the sly - through a spouse.
Features inherent in the hidden aggressor
Quiet in public, ingratiating himself with his superiors, a tyrant man is always full of envy and resentment for the whole world. Trusting a woman with his experiences, the aggressor plays on the maternal instinct: the stronger a woman's sense of self-sacrifice for someone else's sake, the sooner she will fulfill the mission of a savior and an eternal nanny (“He can't live without me”, “Well, let him be like that, but native ).
A man prone to tyranny prefers to dominate sex and any dispute. Pay attention to how the man calls you: depersonalization such as "doll", "baby" and so on is a sign of a frivolous attitude.
A tyrant tends to assure a woman that, besides him, no one will love her SO. The aggressor smoothes out light taunts like: “You've gotten something fat” with stormy declarations of love: “But I love your curvaceous forms so much,” etc.
The main signs of inner cruelty are jealousy and the desire for totalitarian control. A man-aggressor can meticulously ask about how your day went or who this Misha is at work and whether he is married, and also calls and literally falls asleep with SMS: where are you, how are you, etc.
The tyrant also loves to teach life: he knows everything and knows how, he will show how it should be. He will take you to his favorite art-house movies, treat you to his favorite dishes (even if you hate them), and soon you yourself will not notice how completely detach yourself from everything that you once loved and dissolve into interests of men.
The main task of the aggressor is to deprive you of support in the form of friends, parents, etc. Being a subtle analyst, the tyrant man will wait for the right moment and turn the situation in such a way that you, of your own free will, do not want to communicate with anyone except the faithful and his friends.
In the same "magical" way, your personal finances will disappear. The man will buy everything himself, supposedly protecting you from the problems and hardships of everyday life. In fact, to excommunicate you from finances means to make you dependent and weak, and this is exactly what the tyrant needs - power over you.
What to do if you are physically assaulted
But what if the man has already raised his hand to you? Don't listen to his excuses. It is typical for an aggressor to sincerely and for a long time apologize in the spirit of: “I don’t know what was wrong with me”, “It never happened to me like that,” “Can you bring a person out like that,” etc.
After the outburst of aggression, the tyrant returns to the original state of the "ideal" husband: he actively makes amends with help around the house, courtship and generous gifts. Do not trust the words that the situation will not happen again. It will repeat itself, and in an even more brutal form.
There is only one way out: to run. To friends, to parents, anywhere, but away from such a man. Don't be afraid to ask neighbors for help or contact the police. Especially when the family already has children - think about their well-being and mental health. Always keep a spare phone and some cash with you so you can take control of the situation.
