Who doesn't want to improve their own life and find personal happiness? Having chosen a partner, a woman hopes that he is "the one". But in the future, when she gets to know him well, a loving man may turn out to be not a prince, but a real tyrant. The sooner a woman can understand this, the less negative consequences there will be.
Abuser, i.e. a person who commits violence against another person (both physical and moral) can be recognized by the following signs:
1. Charming. Such a man always knows how to win over people and leave only the best memories and impressions. Everyone treats him very well. If you mention that he is mistreating you, then most likely you will stumble upon a wall of misunderstanding. After all, such a charming man simply cannot be bad.
2. Vivid positive memories of the first meetings. The beginning of a relationship with such a man will be very beautiful: gifts, sweeping gestures and much more. Gallantry and displays of masculinity clearly distinguish him from other men. Memories of the candy-bouquet period warm a woman for a very long time, even when there are no more positive moments in the relationship.
3. Unhealthy jealousy. Of course, it is common for every person to feel jealous, but in the case of a tyrant, it will be manic. At the beginning of a relationship, it won't be that obvious. But at some point, a woman will understand that she is afraid to even look towards the opposite sex. She clearly realizes that any little thing can infuriate her partner. A woman can just think about something of her own, but a man will arrange it, because she is sure that she wants to change him or is already doing it.
4. A ban on communicating with friends. The tyrant needs the victim to have no friends left to influence her. Therefore, he will first convince others that the woman is in good hands and there is no need to worry about her. Then, under plausible pretexts, he will alienate the woman from friends, in order to leave only his influence and point of view. Then the victim will be easier to manage.
5. A quick marriage proposal. Most women want to marry a courageous, charming and just good man. The tyrant at the beginning of a relationship is very positive, he creates for himself the image of an ideal groom so that it is impossible to refuse his offer. After marriage, a man slowly but surely turns into a monster.
6. Skillful manipulator. The abuser has his own plan to make a loving woman a slave who resignedly obeys his will and whims. Therefore, he will use any manipulation (flattery, persuasion, intimidation, etc.) to achieve his goal.
7. Doesn't want a woman to work. As long as a woman has her own income, she feels like a self-sufficient person who may not depend on the other half. Financial dependence makes her vulnerable, it becomes easier to manage her, especially if the family has children. The feeling of anxiety increases, suddenly it will be abandoned and left without a livelihood. Therefore, a woman feels addicted, and she has fewer ways out of the impasse (if she wants to get away from her tormentor).
8. In every company the man will be different. He needs to show his acting skills, find an individual approach to each person in order to gain people's trust and expand the circle of influence.
9. Lust for power and control. The tyrant's goal is the complete submission of the victim. So that the woman does not rebel, at the beginning of the relationship, he introduces different rules that at first she even likes, a feeling of love and care is created. The words: "Honey, please write, as soon as you come home, I am very worried about you" seem harmless and express concern. But after a while it will already sound completely different: “I did not understand that you have lost your fear. Where did you stay for 4 minutes, who were you with? " The transition from the first option to the second is too imperceptible, and the woman further accepts such a man's behavior as correct. The situation becomes more complicated if the man was in prison (expanding the circle of criminal acquaintances) or he has very good connections. In this case, the abuser is already intoxicated with power, and the thirst for control goes beyond what is permitted.
10. No compromises. For a tyrant, there is one opinion - that is his. He adheres to it in any situation, even when his position is devoid of meaning and reason. A man will never admit this, so he cannot compromise.
11. Never guilty. Mature, adults can always admit their mistake. For an abuser, admitting a mistake is like losing. And such a person is not able to admit his guilt. Even if he apologizes, you should not take it at face value, most likely, the words simply hide the manipulation.
12. You always feel guilty. Constant reproaches and discontent from a man also indicate that he is a tyrant. Every woman's action (and even more so inaction) turns out to be fundamentally wrong, even when it seems absurd. His job is to instill guilt in you.
13. Devaluates what you do. You have finally achieved something worthwhile (not to mention everyday things), believe me, a man will never appreciate it. His answer will be something like this: "Everyone can do that / there is nothing unique and meaningful in this / so what?" If he positively assesses your actions, then you will feel your importance, raise your self-esteem, but he does not need it at all.
14. Opposing standards. A woman wants to be a partner for her man, to be on an equal footing. The tyrant has two standards in his head. Statements can be as follows: "It is strictly forbidden to change, and a woman cannot afford such a thing, but for a man it is in the nature of things." Those. he can get tired at work / come in a bad mood / be late / not call, but this is absolutely impossible for you.
15. Humiliation, criticism, insults, negative suggestions and statements. All this helps to break the victim, make him think that she is bad in everything, looks wrong, does everything wrong and in general cannot be interesting to anyone.
16. Low self-esteem. All influences on the part of the abuser are negatively reflected on the woman's self-esteem. She becomes insecure, insecure, withdrawn. All this helps to keep her on a short leash. After all, the shorter the leash, the less opportunity to move.
17. Surveillance and feelings of stalking. The tyrant always has access to a woman's phone: he scans SMS, tracks calls, social networks. The abuser's victim should not have personal space. A man always knows where a woman is. Therefore, the victim may develop a persecution mania in the future, which is constantly monitored everywhere, even when she is alone at home. Which makes sense, because a tyrant can install a video camera or a listening device there.
18. Fear of loneliness. A woman is told that she has problems with her appearance, character and she does everything wrong. Systematic moral suppression bears fruit, and the victim begins to believe in the words of his tormentor. No one will love her anymore, and she will be alone for the rest of her life. Therefore, she thinks that it is better to live with at least someone, even if this person constantly mocks her.
19. Outbursts of rage, mood swings. The abuser's mood often changes, it is impossible to satisfy him with something, he is often dissatisfied with everything - this is considered the norm. But if a woman is insolent, does not obey, begins to express claims to the offender, then such behavior leads him into uncontrollable rage. In some cases, it ends badly.
20. Tantrums and tears bring joy. If a woman starts crying, a normal man wants to feel sorry for her and reassure her. In the case of the abuser, everything is different. The suffering of the victim gives the tyrant joy, energizes and increases self-esteem. The worse you feel, the more he rejoices.
21. Feeling of depression. Low self-esteem, constant criticism and dissatisfaction of a partner, gradual erasure of personality negatively affect the mental state of a woman. She begins to feel worthless, depressed and incapable of anything. Added to everything else is constant fatigue and apathy.
22. Strong emotional attachment. Despite all the suffering that the tyrant causes, an emotional connection is established with the victim. All quarrels take place according to the same scenario. After a quarrel, a long-awaited period of silence, calmness and pleasant moments comes. Then everything repeats itself, and over time this vicious circle causes dependence in a woman, and it becomes like receiving a "dose", like a drug addict.
23. The use of physical force. This is the most difficult stage. When the offender ceases to see a woman in his victim and is able to raise a hand against her. Even if it seems to be a harmless action (pushing, etc.), it is also considered to be the use of physical force.
24. Threat of physical violence. An inadequate partner may not act physically, but simply threaten. For example: "I will break your neck / ribs / break your head if I find out that you are cheating on me." This has a very strong effect on the victim, who by this time is already in a borderline mental state.
25. You "when you meet" and you "now" are two completely different personalities. This may also indicate that you are in a relationship with a tyrant who completely changed your personality and now there is practically nothing left of you.
Summarize. The tyrant needs from his victim:
- Complete submission. Unquestioning execution of orders.
- Lack of support for a woman
- Erasure of personality, lack of interests and personal opinions.
- Fear of your man.
- A woman has no idea how she will live without a partner.
- Induce emotional attachment in order to manipulate it.
- Power and control.
- The feeling that no one needs her.
Nobody wants to enter into such a relationship voluntarily. But even if this has happened, it is better to understand that you are in a toxic relationship that has a devastating effect on your life. And then you need to decide what to do next: leave everything as it is or take drastic measures.
