For people who have survived a divorce, psychologists are always ready to help to improve their future life. As for the analysis of the mistakes made and the analysis of the problems that led to the collapse of the marriage, not everyone has enough mental strength for such experiments. Especially when little time has passed. All the more interesting is the case of the writer Gerald Rogers, who, after the divorce, returned to studying his family experience, drew important conclusions from it and wrote a book about it, which has become a world bestseller.
Gerald's story
Today Gerald Rogers is known as a writer and trainer. One day in 2015, on his personal page on the social network, he decided to share tips for maintaining a marriage. The man himself recently divorced his wife after 16 years of marriage and thought a lot about the mistakes that predetermined such a sad outcome. Gerald's simple and honest conclusions have become a sensation on the Internet, and have been translated into many languages. They formed the basis for his book The Marriage Advice I Want To Get.
In the United States, Rogers is a fairly well-known personality, he became a participant in programs on ABC, NBC, a guest of radio broadcasts, a hero of newspaper articles. By the way, even Pope Francis noted Gerald in his publication on the topic of divorce.
Gerald's perspective on marriage and relationship problems
Rogers uses his bad family experiences as his basis when talking about relationships. He always emphasizes that he is not a professional in this field, but through his own pain he is ready to learn and share his experiences.
For example, according to Gerald, gender roles are important in marriage. As feminism has a destructive influence on femininity, the fair sex begins to increasingly dominate relationships. Men, of course, relax, but should, on the contrary, be heroes and defenders. When a woman feels safe and trusts her partner, she will happily go into the shadows, allowing him to dominate. And the man, in turn, will make every effort, surrounding his beloved with care and attention.
Rogers considers female criticism to be one of the most common problems in marriage. Wishing in all possible ways to eradicate the shortcomings of her partner, a woman complains, criticizes, cries, demands. This deprives the man of his significance. He either defends himself and attacks in response, or retreats and withdraws into himself. Not having received the main role in the family, such a man will begin to look for the missing emotions on the side.
Relationship misunderstandings arise when spouses speak to each other in different love languages. There are only 5 languages: touch, words, time, gifts, help. If you use different ways to express feelings, problems arise. Therefore, you need to be able not only to love, but also to show it to your partner so that he understands you. A good way is to write 10 things to each other that make you feel loved. So everyone in a couple will know how to make a loved one happy.
The disintegration of love unions also occurs for the reason that a person begins to lose himself in a relationship. We must not forget about our desires, otherwise the accumulating discontent and irritation will pour out on the partner. The easiest way is to make a list of the things that you associate with taking care of yourself. Perhaps it will be shopping, hot bath, massage. Most importantly, make room for these little joys in your life.
10 epic tips
1. If the woman you love is upset, don't rush to fix it. In ordinary life, she has the right to various emotions, including negative ones. Just let her feel that you are there and always support her, and do not run away at the most difficult moment. In the event that you are upset or annoyed, do not blame your loved one. Better to be alone and tidy up your emotions.
2. Keep growing together. Come up with common dreams, goals, plans and start realizing them. This will prevent your relationship from becoming a stagnant swamp.
3. Learn to forgive and irrevocably forget old grievances. Don't cling to the past, look to the future. Take with you only the lessons learned from mistakes. And let go of the grievances themselves, otherwise this anchor will pull your relationship to the bottom.
4. Treat your beloved woman as the main treasure in life. Protect and support every day as if you just got married. Remember that marrying her is your choice and your decision. And when you both change over the years, fall in love again with that new person that your spouse becomes.
5. Learn to see only the best in your soul mate, do not dwell on her shortcomings. Then your love for this woman will continue to grow stronger and stronger. Think back to your happy moments together. This way you will always feel like you made the right choice.
6. Do not exchange for feelings for other women, do not let anyone into your heart except your wife. Only she should live and rule in it.
7. Don't force her to conform to your requirements. If she feels your unconditional love, then she herself will want to change. At the same time, do not wait and do not demand that your wife makes you happy. First of all, our happiness depends on ourselves. Better do things for your loved one that help her feel your love and care. Make such actions a priority.
8. Don't be afraid to make mistakes and let your woman know about it. Let her see that you are also imperfect. Sometimes share your fears and doubts with her, showing your vulnerability. Learn to admit mistakes and ask for forgiveness. Be honest with your wife like no one else. Indeed, without absolute trust, there is no true love.
9. Don't put money above relationships, learn to manage them together as a team. Do not hide your income from your spouse, but trust her.
10. Marriage is work and mutual investment in a relationship. It can not always be calm and smooth, so you need to learn from each stage passed. If people know how to truly love each other, they will overcome all difficulties. For the same reason, in any situation, it is worth choosing love, because in terms of forgiveness, patience and endurance, it has no competitors.
