People easily forgive the unseemly actions of strangers or strangers, quickly forgetting about the feelings they experienced. But for some reason, the most difficult thing is forgiveness of those who were or are a part of life: parents, friends and husbands. How to forgive an ex-husband, how long will it take, is forgiveness real at all and where should you start?
Instructions
Step 1
Start with yourself. Take a look at your present situation with the calm gaze of an outside observer and decide what you like about it and what you would like to change. Try to understand why thoughts about your ex and his role in your life still haunt you. Analyze what you cannot forgive him for, and what you cannot forgive. In a broken relationship, there is a share of guilt on each side, so determine where you see his guilt, and what - yours. Try to understand how independent you are yourself and do not need support, what kind of life you would like to live and how your common children feel. Let every aspect of your life, rational and emotional, be thoroughly revised by you. If you can't figure it out yourself, talk to someone you trust unconditionally. You need to speak up and let go of the things that weigh you down in order to move on and pursue your dreams.
Step 2
If you have to communicate with your ex-husband, and irritation, anger or resentment boils up in you just by looking at him, despite the fact that several years have passed, then the situation is more complicated than you think. Forgiveness is work, and above all - work on yourself and your forgiveness. And here you can be helped by people who have gone through the same life scenario, their positive experience can serve as an example and relief for you. If thoughts about your past marriage, ex-husband and his present life literally interfere with your breathing, find a good psychologist. Do not withdraw into yourself and do not carry heartache, because everything that is driven by us inside can develop into very serious illnesses and depression.
Step 3
Do not go down the path of self-deprecation if the reason for the divorce, as you think, was yourself or some of your shortcomings, real or imaginary. Love and respect yourself, improve your self-esteem. In no case try to compare yourself and your new spouse or the passion of your ex-husband. You are different people, and his choice may be dictated by a number of reasons that you had nothing to do with. Life is much richer and more diverse than ideas about it, and not everything in it is clear to you. Try to look at the situation from the other side: your freedom, if you accept it with joy, can be the beginning of a new, exciting journey in search of happiness.
Step 4
Try to understand your ex-husband, the motives of his actions. This is the most difficult thing in marriage, and after marriage it seems completely impossible and even stupid. And still. After all, everything that you resist so much falls on you like an avalanche, and what you accept no longer seems so terrible and imperfect. Both you and he are people. And people have the right to make mistakes. Now he is not your husband, and you have nothing to do with his mistakes (neither past nor future). Create a moral distance between you, this will help you communicate in a neutral way, if necessary. Or, if nothing else binds you, don't communicate at all.
Step 5
Think, is your husband's status in your heart really an ex? Perhaps your divorce was hasty, and this is what prevents you from forgiving your spouse - the hope that everything could be different. But there is a possibility that your husband, like you, cannot come to terms with the fact that you are his ex-wife. There is a great danger here of living an illusion that interferes with your new life. Talk to your ex-spouse frankly. If he really thinks about returning to you and is willing to fix things, he most likely won't play games and you can reunite. But if you realize that he is happy in a new marriage or relationship, and does not think about returning to you, do not set traps for him and do not take revenge. By the way, such a conversation can have a sobering effect on you, and you can quickly start living your life and meet new love. And if not, then you will again come to step one - start with yourself. Your life is here and now!
