The overwhelming majority of reasons for betrayal of husbands lie in the plane of unmet needs. Not finding opportunities to satisfy his needs in the family, a man, of course, will not give up on them. Either he will suppress these needs, or he will begin to look for opportunities to satisfy them outside the family.
Adultery, with rare exceptions, always has a history of several months to several years. The prerequisites for treason lie in the relationship between husband and wife. Most often, the husband signals his wife in one way or another that she does not satisfy one or another of his needs. However, the wife ignores such signals, without eliminating the reasons that are likely to push the husband to start a relationship on the side.
Understanding the reasons for betrayal, their prerequisites, basic needs that men sometimes satisfy through betrayal, as well as the goals of men, will make it possible to better understand each other and not bring family stories to facts of betrayal.
Let's look at the main reasons for cheating in as much detail as possible.
1. The success of the wife against the background of the failure of the husband
Purpose: to raise self-esteem.
get satisfaction (moral satisfaction) for emotional discomfort, humiliated self-esteem; to assert itself as a man, but in a different aspect.
The success of a wife in her career, in business, in the level of earnings of some men makes them feel unsuccessful against their background, provokes a feeling of envy, and, at times, hatred of his wife's success. Traditionally, it is stipulated in the public consciousness that a husband should earn more than his wife, should occupy a higher position (position) at work, and provide for his family. All this is associated with the male role in the family. Deep down, a husband is certainly proud of his wife. However, a more successful wife does not give her husband the opportunity to look in his own eyes and in the eyes of those around him as the support of their family. He begins to feel like an inferior man. And this very much puts pressure on his self-esteem, on his pride and vanity. Objectively understanding that to strengthen your image of a man with success in your career, earnings, etc. he has no opportunities, a man can choose another way - to prove his masculine "strength" as a sexual partner. The choice of this option for self-assertion is what pushes the man to get a mistress. Typically, these men make many connections on the side. As a rule, such novels are short; a man does not immerse himself in them emotionally and spiritually. However, if he meets a woman next to whom he will feel successful, an affair with her can become protracted and deep, and can also cause a man to leave the family.
If a wife constantly emphasizes her higher earnings, her own successes and failures of her husband, all the more she does it publicly, a man can choose a way to take revenge on his wife for this by openly starting an affair on the side. In this case, his goal will be to inflict moral pain on his wife, to make her suffer.
2. Emotional and spiritual alienation between spouses
Purpose: emotional and spiritual closeness with a woman.
the desire to be an object of care and attention, the search for support, understanding, sympathy and empathy for his problems, the desire to accept and show tenderness, etc.
Emotional and spiritual alienation arises in families that have been married for many years, if their relationship is seized by "everyday life", family problems and troubles, affairs and worries, scandals, etc. Former feelings and romance fade away, go into the background, are supplanted by the routine of life. Some wives may immerse themselves in childcare without paying enough attention to their husbands or not even noticing him altogether. From a loving wife, she turns into a loving mother. All the attention and tenderness of the wife goes only to the kids, and the husband feels deprived of this. If, among other things, he hears from his wife a lot of reproaches, complaints, discontent, demands, sees indifference to his problems, desires and interests, he begins to feel himself superfluous in her life. At the same time, his needs for understanding, support, warmth, tenderness, of course, do not disappear anywhere. And if the wife does not satisfy these needs, he may start looking for their satisfaction in another woman. In a relationship with a mistress for a husband, sex will play a secondary role. Because it is not sex that is important to him in this situation, but spiritual communication, the feeling of a sincere need for a woman, albeit a different one.
3. The mercantile attitude of the wife to her husband
Purpose: search for sincerity on the part of a woman.
to be sincerely needed by a woman, to be interesting to her as a person; the desire to receive satisfaction for moral suffering and experiences.
The reason for a husband to look for a sincere, genuine interest in himself, warmth, care, tenderness can also be the mercantile attitude of his wife towards him. Imagine a situation: a husband earns much more than his wife, or she does not work at all, while the wife constantly asks him for money, refuses intimacy as punishment for not wanting to buy or give her something, only cares about herself … to her husband to believe that in reality she does not love him at all, but his money? Most often, this is what happens.. Even her tenderness, care, her husband can perceive as manipulation in order to get more money from him. In such cases, the husband's betrayal is a response to the wife's consumer attitude. His betrayal can be aimed at finding someone who will see in him, first of all, a person, a person, or aimed at hurting his wife as much as she hurts him.
4. Intellectual stagnation of the wife
Purpose: intelligent communication
communication with interesting, intellectually developed, versatile people, intellectual development.
Once upon a time, out of millions of girls, a man chose only one as his wife. Not like the rest, amazing, mysterious, desired. And if, over the years of family life, she plunged into everyday life with her head, stopped developing intellectually, spiritually, abandoned her hobbies, stopped taking care of herself, she no longer looks in the eyes of her husband as that exceptional woman who once occupied all his thoughts. She stopped surprising him. She froze at the level of development of a young girl. At some point, he caught himself thinking that he had nothing to talk to her about, except about cutlets for dinner.
There are many other women around him who are passionate about sports, some politics, some economics, some something else. There is something to argue with them. You can join their hobbies. You can learn a lot from them. You can consult with them. You can smell with them. And it is not at all necessary to be in a sexual relationship with them. Another thing is more important - interest in their personality, in their eventful life. Sex appears already, rather, as a logical continuation of spiritual and intellectual intimacy.
5. Eventual and emotional scarcity of family life
Purpose: emotional experiences.
experiencing a variety of emotions, impressions, "thrill" sensations.
Many men and women have an inherent spirit of adventurism, thirst for adventure, adrenaline, thrills, vivid emotions … The "everyday life" of such people seizes very quickly. With no financial or other means of entertainment, men can have mistresses. They enjoy “hiding in corners with her”, secretly writing text messages, “tickling” their nerves with the threat of exposure, or they just like to experience vivid emotions, winning another passion. Their goal is not the result, but the process. If the wife is not able to constantly evoke emotions in him in family life, and the most diverse, not necessarily good, the husband will look for their source outside the family. And, quite possibly, in other women.
6. Emotional coldness of the wife
Purpose: emotional experiences.
to revive the emotional background of relations with his wife, to experience a surge of emotions, to return a feeling of passion.
Some married couples simply live by their husband's infidelities. Usually it looks like this: the husband went on a spree with another lady, the wife found out everything, threw a scandal, kicked it out, he asked for forgiveness, they made up violently, for some time they lived on the rise of passion and emotions, then everything began to fade away, the husband got himself another mistress … And so to infinity. The emotions that a man experiences during reconciliation with his wife, he cannot evoke in her in other ways, or he considers it impossible. And he cheats on his wife not so much in order to get these very emotions with another woman, but in order to get them with his wife. Treason in this case acts as a way of manipulation, provocation of the wife to emotions.
On the other hand, a man, daily communicating with his wife, who does not cause him sexual attraction, during reconciliation experiences a surge of passion for his wife. However, this surge is short-lived, and for a new wave of passion, the husband needs a new betrayal and a new scene of stormy reconciliation.
7. A man's experience of a midlife crisis
Purpose: new relationship.
intimacy with a woman who meets a wide range of his needs.
In their lives, men go through several age crises. The midlife crisis is associated with the fact that a man evaluates the passed stage of life, searches for himself in the present and ponders how and for what purpose he should live further. At this stage in his life, a man critically evaluates those people who are now next to him. Did he connect his life with that woman? Does he want to live the rest of his life with her? Was he not mistaken then, many years ago, when he chose this woman as his wife? Such reflections can lead him to the conclusion that he was mistaken in choosing a life partner, she did not give and does not give him in the family what he needs. If the conclusion of a man is exactly this, he can divorce his wife or simply start looking for another woman. It is quite possible, having found such, he will leave the family and create a new one with it.
8. A man's experience of a crisis of 50-55 years old
Goal: to raise self-esteem
confirmation of their sexual attractiveness and sexual solvency, especially in relation to young women.
Probably everyone has heard the saying: "Gray in the beard, the devil in the rib." In the period of the age crisis of 50-55 years, when a man's sexual capabilities are fading away, he may have a desire to prove to himself that he is still wealthy as a man, and may be liked by young women. It is the search for such evidence that can push a husband to commit adultery. Having received confirmation of his sexual solvency, the husband, most likely, will not leave the family.
9. Experiencing crises in family life
Purpose: new relationship.
intimacy with a woman who meets a wide range of his needs.
Prerequisites:
The family, as a union of a man and a woman, goes through a series of crises. After about 2-5 years, the husband and wife have doubts about whether they have linked their lives with the right person. As a rule, by this time they have already learned how to interact, established relationships, distributed rights and responsibilities, family responsibilities. The stage of "grinding" is always accompanied by quarrels, disagreements, resentments … Having accumulated, they just start the process of thinking about the correctness of the choice made. Between the spouses there is not only cooling, but, at times, alienation. Both or one of them may start looking for connections on the side. If the family manages to overcome the crisis, it will only get stronger. Therefore, a husband's infidelity after several years of marriage may be a logical component of a crisis in marital relations.
10. Sexual dissatisfaction
Purpose: satisfaction of sexual needs.
enriching sex with emotional experiences, bringing variety to sex, getting a wider range of impressions from sex.
Do not be cunning when you say that sex is more important in a man's life than in a woman's life. Dissatisfaction with your sexual life with your wife is the most common reason for cheating husbands. Dissatisfaction with the sexual side of life can consist of different components: sex is rare, sex has become boring and monotonous, the wife does not show initiative in sex and does not give her husband an emotional recharge, the wife has a lot of taboos in sex …. In this case, we are talking about the husband's loss of interest in sex with his wife as a process, a decrease in the quality of sex and the level of satisfaction with it.
11. The sexual unattractiveness of the wife
Purpose: satisfaction of sexual needs.
experience of sexual attraction, arousal, emotional and aesthetic satisfaction from sex.
The reason for her husband's betrayal may be the fact that his wife has ceased to be sexually attractive to him. Sexual appeal is not limited to a wife's outfits and looks. Although this, of course, is of great importance. If someone remembers caricatures from Soviet magazines on the topic of family relations, then on them the artists painted housewives in short dresses, aprons and heels. According to the authors of such drawings, the wife at home should look like this. At least they would like to see wives like this. You can talk as much as you like about the fact that doing household chores in this form is not convenient. However, the husband would probably like to see his beautiful wife at home. When women go outside, they always try to make themselves look attractive: they put on makeup, dress up, put on heels. Only here at home in front of her husband they go in whatever is horrible. Because it's more convenient that way. Women should not forget that their husbands see a lot of attractive women on the streets around them every day. Should women neglect their appearance at home in favor of convenience? As stated, sex appeal is not limited to physical appearance. She, like a cloud, envelops a woman and her relationship with a man. It comes from the inside and is manifested in everything: gestures, facial expressions, postures, intonation, the words that the wife utters when addressing her husband, the format of communication with her husband, which she has a place to be. Men always understand that their wives have a hard time: they have a lot of worries and troubles. But if at the same time they still manage to look great …
Revealing this aspect of a woman's sexual attractiveness, it is worth noting that women who demonstrate masculine behavior are not sexually attractive for men either. This not only concerns obscene language, but also generally dominant, rude behavior, pressing the husband on a variety of issues, demonstrating superiority over her husband, etc.
12. Cheating wife
Purpose: to get satisfaction
"Work out" your negative emotional experiences, cause your wife equal emotional pain.
The husband's confidence that his wife has cheated on him or does it regularly can push the husband himself into adultery. For some men, only the suspicion of the wife's infidelity will be enough. In doing so, the husband follows the form of revenge, which has become entrenched in the public consciousness of many generations: "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth." Having changed in response, the husband receives not only emotional relaxation, but also complete satisfaction. For some men, retaliation is a prerequisite under which he can forgive his wife's infidelity. Cheating for this reason rarely leads to the husband having a permanent mistress.
13. Suspicions and reproaches of the wife in the hypothetical betrayal of her husband
Purpose: to get satisfaction
to bring inevitable negative emotions and experiences from reproaches and suspicions of the wife into line with real events, to eliminate dissonance.
Cheating on the husband can also be a response to the constant manifestations of baseless jealousy on the part of the wife. Tired of constant suspicion, mistrust, reproaches, scenes of jealousy, a husband who did not even think about his mistress, in the end, can do exactly what his wife never ceases to accuse him of. Why? Yes, at least in order to listen to all the reproaches is not unreasonable, since there is already nowhere to get away from them. Constantly making excuses, proving that nothing happened is a tedious task that takes a lot of energy and emotions. And if it is also useless … Jealousy for no reason is evidence of mistrust in her husband. Unreasonable mistrust can be perceived by the husband as an insult. Such a reaction, as a rule, does not push men to cheat. Nevertheless, she clearly does not carry a positive for family relations.
14. The scarcity of a man's sexual experience
Purpose: to expand the sexual experience with other partners
satisfy curiosity, cognitive interest.
As incredible as it may seem in our age of sexual liberation, some men marry the woman who was his first and remains the last sexual partner for many years. Simple curiosity may well become the reason for her husband's betrayal. Especially if the man got married at a very young age.
15. Concatenation of circumstances
Target: none.
absent.
Sometimes marital infidelity is not the result of some deep reasons and crises in the family or the personality of the spouses. Cheating can be completely random. It seems that everything is fine in the family, and the relationship between the spouses is excellent, but this is happening. And, as a rule, by chance: at a corporate party, on a business trip, on vacation … Each of us can succumb to temptation, especially if the situation and a state of some drunkenness have it, the persistent woman is nearby. Of course, not every man will succumb to temptation. But, nevertheless, this is not excluded. Such infidelity rarely has a continuation. But remorse can torment a husband for many years.
16. Low self-esteem of a man as an attractive sexual partner
Purpose: to raise self-esteem.
confirmation of their sexual attractiveness for a wide range of partners.
The emergence of a man's low self-esteem as an attractive sexual partner can be formed for subjective and objective reasons.
Subjective reasons include, for example, negative statements about his external attractiveness from his mother, other close adults, as well as peers in adolescence or adolescence.
In addition, a man himself could consider himself outwardly unattractive to women, considering himself ugly or more often receiving a refusal to meet with girls than consent. The external unattractiveness of a man can take place objectively, or it can be at the level of delusion.
Another reason for low self-esteem in this aspect may be the size of a man's penis. And, in addition, the sexual experience of a man, accompanied by the fact that he was not able to bring partners to orgasm.
For a man with such complexes of sexual imperfection or unattractiveness, each new partner serves as a reason to increase his own assessment. Even being married, the desire to improve his self-esteem may not come to naught, pushing a man to expand the circle of his partners.
17. Mistress as an attribute of status
Purpose: to match the status
confirm your social status or status in any group, correspond to this status
Some financially secure men are convinced that their status is supposed to have a mistress. For them, its presence is as much an attribute of their financial situation as an expensive watch or car. A mistress is what he can afford, or rather, to support a mistress, spend money on her.
In criminal circles, among the main persons of various groups, let's call them that, a mistress is also a status thing. If he does not have a mistress, his subordinates will not respect him, will not recognize his authority.
Additional explanations, I think, are superfluous here.
18. Cheating as a psychological pathology of a man's personality
This question is already in the competence of psychiatrists. Therefore, we will leave it without explanation.
