In the early stages of a relationship, it is not customary to talk about money. A woman does not want to seem materialistic or offend a fan. But if you do not raise the money issue when living together, then a lot of problems will arise as a result.
It is believed that money, along with cheating and alcohol abuse problems, is one of the most common causes of divorce and separation. Why? Because few people love and know how to talk about them.
Money and relationships
It often seems to women that when it comes to feelings, you cannot talk about money. And it's not about splitting everything in half. Relationships are not a battleground for influence or a manifestation of your own independence. Therefore, it is worth learning to talk about money at the very beginning of the relationship, although, of course, not on the first date. This early question of finance may seem overwhelming and depressing. However, when a couple decides to meet regularly and cohabit, then the question of money is necessarily raised.
If you do not do this, you may experience the following problems:
- one side always pays, while the other does not feel comfortable;
- the party who pays feels burdened;
- they both pay, but a better-off person causes a feeling of discomfort, for example, offering expensive entertainment;
- giving an expensive gift can be troublesome to someone who cannot repay;
- at the stage of cohabitation, a decision is made on how to manage the budget;
- it's time to prioritize costs and allocate them;
- there are issues of lending, mortgages, expensive purchases, such as household appliances, real estate, car.
These and similar issues and how the couple resolves them will have a great impact on the harmonious building of relationships. The smartest option is to simply divide all expenses in proportion to each person's earnings. However, in a situation where there is a large financial imbalance between partners, for example, one earns five times less than the other, conflicts may arise over the dominant role in budget management.
Parental models have a strong influence. If the woman in the family has the mother to control the money, and the father to the partner, then the conflict is inevitable. Children subconsciously copy the behavior of their parents in different spheres of life. Someone thinks that quality nutrition is more important than a new jacket. The other partner has a negative attitude towards loans, and he would rather "tighten his belt". If these issues are not discussed immediately, as soon as the couple decided to move in, then quarrels are inevitable. Discussing money can be painful, but necessary.
What should you pay attention to?
The money issue is so delicate that it is possible to conclude from the behavior of the partner whether it is worth continuing the relationship and marrying. Paying bills during courtship is nothing more than an element of this courtship. And a completely different view of the cost of living together. It is generally accepted that the man as the main earner always pays. It is on his shoulders, according to the classical model of the family, that the provision of the family falls. There may be other family models, but in any case, the partner should always act as a support and support.
Therefore, it is important to pay attention to the following behavior of the partner:
- a person who a minute ago whispered affectionate words in the ear at the cash register behaves like a stranger. He looks at the ceiling or is silent, as if he does not notice the moment when it is time to take out the wallet, and the lady pays;
- usually the woman pays the bill, and the man constantly promises revenge, which never happens;
- every time a couple go to a more expensive restaurant, the other half "forgets" their wallet;
- he asks his lady to take a loan, and then nervously reacts to offers to repay the debt;
- he explains the lack of money in order to avoid participation in some general expenses, and then spends the same or more for his own needs;
- he spends his entire salary when he likes something, and by the end of the month the couple lives off the woman.
If these symptoms appear in a relationship, you need to think carefully about the future with this person. Both work today, but what will happen if someone gets sick or quits? Having a baby is also associated with a significant increase in costs. At the same time, one of the partners is forced to go on leave to care for the baby and live on benefits from the state. If there is a separation of costs or a partnership marriage, then the decision on all these events must be made jointly and in advance. Otherwise, it's time to stop exploiting yourself and seriously talk to your partner about money and a shared future.
The main thing is to establish clear rules and not be afraid to talk about money. It is better to settle everything at the beginning of a relationship than to reproach each other later during a quarrel and crisis.