Having spent 13-14 years in the status of a mother, you suddenly realized with horror that your "angel" grew up and became uncontrollable. Attempts to strengthen control in this case are futile. The main thing is not to panic and follow some rules.
It should be remembered that for children in adolescence, the authority of the parents drops sharply, and friends and the street come out on top. The more you resist this, the more furiously the child will defend his right to personal freedom.
Accept that your child is growing up. Train yourself to knock when you want to enter your teen's room. Thus, you will make it clear that you respect his right to freedom and personal space.
First love, the desire to be like everyone else - you will have to learn to trust your child in these matters. You can explain that you will always be a friend and helper, but you cannot insist on discussing any personal topics.
When explaining the rules of behavior to your teenager, also focus on freedom of choice. Avoid direct blackmail: “If you don’t do your homework right now, you won’t go for a walk, etc.”. Motivate with different consequences: "Lessons not done lead to lower grades, which means that you will not have privileges when entering the university" or "You can achieve a lot if you study well."
Don't forbid hanging out with friends who (you think) are having a bad influence. Explain calmly: "This is your life, you can try cigarettes or drugs, but you will look much cooler if you show willpower now than then try to overcome an already ingrained habit."
Also instill responsibility in relation to sexual intercourse. According to statistics, the percentage of teenage pregnancies is growing every year. Tactfully educate your child about contraceptive methods. It is important to convey to the teenager's consciousness the fact that love is not rough sex in a hurry because of the fear of being caught, but tenderness and respect for each other.
Avoid questioning teenage feelings out loud, such as “Is this love? You know how many such loves there will be! Please note that a child of 12-14 years old has a heightened sense of maximalism, any drama is perceived as a universal catastrophe, and any sympathy is like love for life. Try to act unobtrusively: observe and intervene only when you feel a threat to the child's psyche and health.
To become a friend to your child - try to stand in his place. Think back to what kind of teenager you were and talk about your behavior. Perhaps this will help to get closer. Try to avoid the notation: "Here I am at your age …". Much more effective will be the phrase: “You know, I recognize myself in you. I, too, once … ".
Encourage any hobbies of the teenager, even if you do not share and do not understand them. Does the child want to become a rapper, metalhead or goth? Study these informal movements and try to find positive aspects in them. The better you understand what the child is interested in, the sooner you will regain the lost authority.
