Often grown-up children turn out to be different, not what their parents secretly dream of seeing them. And it's not about the mistakes of upbringing. Most likely, everyone has their own path, vocation, happiness and delusions are also their own. How to put it in your mind? Once you have thought about it, then you have enough resources to go from denial to acceptance.
Instructions
Step 1
Think about the fact that your child is already a mature and independent person, since he is free to make any choice. Of course, children remain children, regardless of their age. But it is your inner job to let them go and allow them to become adults.
Step 2
Think about how similar you are and how different you are. It will be natural to have similarities due to your relationship. But there will be many differences: thoughts, needs, motives will differ between parents and children. And therefore, even in the same situations, you can make completely opposite decisions.
Step 3
Understand that there is one life - both for the child and for you, and you will not be able to live it for the child. You would gladly make the right choice for him, saving him from mistakes and disappointments - this is a natural parental desire. But it is only appropriate if your child is completely incapacitated. In other cases, it is advisable to teach children to adequately relate to problems, make decisions and take responsibility for them.
Step 4
Refer to your own experience. Do you find it valuable and unique? Now imagine that each person pretends to be exceptional. Your child sincerely believes that you could never be in his place, never experienced what he is experiencing, even if you went through fire, water and everything else. And even if it seems to you that you had the same case.
Step 5
Try to see the world through your child's eyes. It is as difficult as mastering a completely different planet, with different concepts, conditions, mentality. But try to take into account all the factors that were not there in your youth, and that are in the age of your children. Find out the motives of the person making the choice. What is he guided by and what is he experiencing? In this situation, you would most likely act differently, focus on different values and indicators.
Step 6
Revise your values and beliefs. Often, accepting the choice of children is hampered by dependence on public opinion, an orientation toward "correctness", your hypertrophied feelings of importance, pride. Answer the question sincerely, where does your relationship with your child fit into your value system? And what is really important in life, given that it is not endless?
Step 7
And ask yourself the most important question: did this person stop being your child after making such a choice? Did you love him less? All your shared past, his childhood and affection for you have ceased to exist? Perhaps you too are now facing a choice. Which choice will bring you peace of mind and harmony in your family?
