As a child reaches adolescence, parents notice that their relationship with him becomes tense and difficult, and sometimes even unbearable. This problem occurs most frequently in our daily life. The child begins a transitional period from childhood to adulthood, the duration of which varies depending on the pace of his development. Usually after three or four years everything goes back to normal. But how difficult it can be to get through these years, and how many mistakes are made during this time.
The main feature of adolescence is abrupt hormonal and functional changes in the body. This is reflected in the mental state of the teenager. He becomes more vulnerable, emotionally unstable, performs inexplicable, from the point of view of logic, actions.
A teenager develops a "sense of adulthood", which parents need to maintain, confirming with examples from everyday life: "You helped me …, you have matured noticeably, learned a lot", "You did … already as an adult independent person, I am very pleased", etc. P..
In addition, many parents notice that, becoming adolescents, their children are more eager to communicate with their peers, can talk to them on the phone for hours. This is also one of the features of this age. And the more difficult the relationship of a teenager with his parents, the more he listens to the opinion of his peers. This is because he begins to trust them more. During this age period, it is very important for parents to maintain trust and understanding in their relationship with their child.
Communication is a big part of our relationship. It proves its significance from the very birth of a person. Thanks to communication, we can maintain a "thread of trust and understanding" for life or break it at any stage of a child's development (more often in adolescence). Confidential communication, first of all, should be based on the attitude towards the child as a person from the very birth. It is necessary to respect his opinion and take into account in the construction of joint plans. This is especially important during adolescence. The most important thing in a relationship with a child is sincerity. Teenagers are especially susceptible to lying. At this age, it is more difficult for them to forgive their parents for their insincerity. Sometimes they don't forgive her at all. In building relationships with a child of a given age, it is important for parents to take into account his age characteristics. To help parents, there are several ways to effectively communicate with a teenager. Applying them in everyday life will help maintain trust and understanding between parents and their children:
Listening to the child, let him understand and feel that you understand his state, feelings associated with the event he is telling you about. To do this, listen to the child, and then in your own words repeat what he told you. You will kill three birds with one stone:
- the child will make sure that you can hear him;
- the child will be able to hear himself as if from the outside and better understand his feelings;
- the child will make sure that you understand it correctly.
Conduct a conversation on a serious topic when no one else is around. Watch your tone in conversation. He shouldn't be mocking. Maintain a calm tone, listen carefully. You don't have to have ready-made answers to all questions;
Try not to say: "I don't care what they did there, but you better not get involved in it", "I know what is best for you", "Do what I tell you and the problem will be solved."
Support and encourage the child without words. Smile, hug, wink, pat on the shoulder, nod your head, look into your eyes, take your hand.
Never compare him with someone, do not tell him that he must be like someone else.
Advise your child, but give him the freedom to choose what to do.
Listening to the child, watch his facial expressions and gestures, analyze them. Sometimes children assure us that they are all right, but a trembling chin or shining eyes speak of something completely different. When words and facial expressions do not match, always give preference to facial expressions, facial expressions, posture, gestures, tone of voice.
Never humiliate a child even with words.
Don't put your child in an uncomfortable position in the presence of strangers.
When encouraging your child, keep the conversation going and show that you are interested in what he is telling you. For example, ask: "What happened next?" or "Tell me about it …".
Look up from the TV and put down the newspaper when your child wants to talk to you.
Make it clear to your child that you are interested in him and are always ready to help.
