The death of loved ones is the most serious shock that can occur in the life of any person. Often, adults, themselves grieving over the loss of a significant person, do not know how to inform the child about it.
What not to do with a child in the event of a relative's death
The most unconstructive thing that parents can do in the event of the death of a relative whom the child knew and loved is to hide the fact of death and their feelings about it.
First, the child feels your experiences. He hears snatches of phrases, your sobs, sees pursed lips and wet eyes, notices your anger at life, which can naturally be actualized after loss. Seeing your experiences, the child does not understand what is happening. This worries him, deprives him of a sense of security and confidence.
Secondly, if you hide from the child the fact of the death of a loved one, then he will continue to wait for him to return. He will ask you where your grandmother or grandfather is now, why she doesn’t go to play with him, why she doesn’t call and answer calls.
Children tend to think out and, as a rule, see themselves as the cause of all troubles. If you are more likely to tell the truth about the death of a relative from a child, then he will think that you are so upset and angry because of him. That he is some kind of bad, since the grandmother does not want to communicate with him anymore. Such findings negatively affect the child's emotional well-being and self-esteem.
What to tell a child if a relative dies
It is necessary to tell the child the truth about the death of a close relative:
- Name the very fact that a relative has died. And, if the child is still small (3-6 years old), then accompany the statement of this fact with your worldview about what happened to the relative after death.
- Explain the causes of death: from illness, old age, accident, etc.
At present, the culture has lost the tradition of mourning and living the death of loved ones. Therefore, at the moment, there is no better way to inform a child about death than to say it directly. At the same time, it is necessary to offer your child your way of grieving, each has its own. For example, crying while hugging. Or disperse to different corners and experience grief in silence and loneliness. Or to meet with other relatives, arrange a commemoration, etc.
Is it worth taking a child to a funeral
Whether to take the child to the funeral is up to the family. If the child is small (up to 8-9 years old), then the parents decide for him completely, weighing their strengths, and the traditions of the family, and the characteristics of the child, and his relationship with the deceased relative.
If the child has reached pre- or adolescent age (9 years and older) and fully understands what happened, you need to ask him if he wants to say goodbye to the deceased. And then the decision on whether the child should attend the funeral is made by the parents together with the child.
