Educating children about the right attitude to life and death is an important responsibility of parents. It is necessary to think over how to inform the child that a loved one is gone. How the baby will perceive the news that dad is dead or mom is dead depends on how correctly you tell him about death. A difficult responsibility falls on the shoulders of the one who undertakes to inform the baby about the sad event.
Instructions
Step 1
It is necessary to inform the child immediately about the death of a loved one, no matter how painful it may be to you at the moment. Belated news can engender mistrust, anger and resentment towards loved ones.
Step 2
Choose a quiet, secluded place and make sure you have enough time for conversation.
Step 3
The person closest to the baby, whom he trusts and with whom he will share the grief, should talk about death. The more he finds support from him, the easier it will be to adapt to new life conditions (without a dad or mom).
Step 4
Touch the baby during the conversation. Take him by the hand, hug him, sit him on his knees. Skin contact will make him feel protected, soften the blow, and help him recover from shock.
Step 5
Gain strength and say the words "died", "funeral", "death". Especially young children, hearing that "dad fell asleep forever," may subsequently refuse to sleep. Speak the truth. If the deceased was sick, and the child knew about it, then talk about it. If there is an accident, then tell about the accident, starting from the moment he broke up with it. React to his words and feelings, watch his reaction. Be as empathetic as possible in this moment. Don't stop him from showing his emotions. The unlived feeling of grief is the basis for psychosomatic illnesses in the future.
Step 6
Perhaps the baby will start asking questions about what will happen to a loved one after the funeral. Tell him that he is not in pain, not cold, does not need food, light and air. After all, his body "broke" and it is impossible to "fix" it. But at the same time, you must explain that most people recover, deal with their injuries, and live long lives.
Step 7
Tell us about what is happening to the soul of a person, based on the religious ideas adopted in your family. If you are at a loss, then seek help from a priest who will help you find the right words.
Step 8
Make time for your child during the mournful preparation period. If he behaves quietly and does not bother anyone, this does not mean that he does not need attention and correctly understands what is happening. Find out what mood he is in, sit next to him and find out what he would like. Don't reproach him if he wants to play. But refuse to play with him, explaining that you are upset.
Step 9
Save your baby's daily routine. And if he doesn't mind, ask him to provide all possible help, for example, in setting the table. Even grieving adults can be reassured by mundane activities.
Step 10
It is believed that a child can participate in saying goodbye to the deceased and understand the meaning of the funeral from 2, 5 years old. There is no need to force him to be present at the burial if he does not want to do this, or to shame him for it. Tell him what will happen: dad will be put in a coffin, lowered into a hole, covered with earth. A monument will be erected at this place in the spring, relatives can visit it, bring flowers.
Step 11
Let the baby say goodbye to the deceased, tell him how to do it. And do not reproach him if he cannot touch the deceased.
Step 12
During the funeral, there should always be a person next to the child who will be with him and be able to support him, comfort him. Or it may be such that he will lose interest in events, will want to play - this is normal. In any case, this will be the person who can leave with the baby and not wait for the end of the ritual.
Step 13
Do not hesitate to cry in front of children and show your feelings: you are sad and you will miss him very much. But try to do without tantrums, otherwise the children can be frightened.
Step 14
Afterwards, remember the deceased person. Talk about funny things that happened to him and the deceased, because laughter transforms unhappiness into light sadness. This will help you realize what happened again and accept it. So that the child does not acquire a feeling of fear that someone from his family or he himself will die, do not reassure him with lies, but tell him honestly that sooner or later people all die. But you are going to die very old and try not to leave him alone. Do not use the image of the deceased to form the desired behavior in the kid, for example: "Don't cry, dad taught you to be a man, and he would not like that."
