Insecure people tend to attract partners with whom they end up in uncomfortable relationships. The reason may be passivity, inability to build relationships in such a way that the partner reckons with your life needs, attitudes, principles. How does insecurity affect another person? How to avoid becoming a chronic "victim of love"? How to gain self-confidence?
Probably, each of us is trying to find a "soul mate" that will respect our interests and feelings, reckon with our opinion. But it often happens that a loved one becomes a huge disappointment, and the "injured" party feels like a "victim of love". This can go on for a long time, passion does not save the situation, and sooner or later even ideal sexual harmony comes to naught. There may be several unsuccessful marriages, where the replacement of a partner will not lead to the desired agreement in the family, and the "victims of love" are sincerely surprised - how can this be, because I am not a bad person!
Indeed, people with a soft, passive attitude to life evoke unaccountable sympathy. They are pleasant, compliant, delicate. The fear of conflict makes them endlessly apologize, agree with unfavorable offers, accept the imposed conditions. Outwardly, these are people without conflict, peaceful, sincere. Their usual words in awkward situations - "okay", "no problem", they are trouble-free and agree to fulfill requests that are a burden to them, or even to the detriment of moral or material. It is easy for such people to "sit on their heads", which often happens. They tend to forgive deception, misconduct, and even outright arrogance. Yielding to more dominant personalities, "victims of love" push their feelings, interests and needs to the periphery of life, devoting themselves to fulfilling other people's desires, trying to meet the conditions imposed from outside.
If you look at what is going on "behind the scenes" in the soul of such a person, you can see that the seeming lack of conflict is an illusion. Keeping their emotions to themselves, these people sometimes say yes, suppressing internal protest. Experiencing humiliation, they will not "fight back" instantly, although dark aggression is accumulating inside them. And when the cup of patience is overflowing, these quiet ones are capable of a powerful emotional explosion, which can smash the existing relationship and a well-established life. Their rebellion comes as a complete surprise to others, and the result of such a rebellion most often becomes internal devastation, prolonged stress and depression, total disappointment in a partner and low self-esteem.
How to change yourself, how to stop being a "victim of love"? The most important thing is to get rid of the fear of losing your partner. Perhaps the fear of rejecting a partner in anything - comes from childhood? Do not be afraid to consult a professional psychologist, train your willpower and tact, wean yourself from the thoughts of manipulating people - and then attempts to manipulate your fears will break on your confidence and calmness in making decisions.
It is necessary to learn to say "no" if unfavorable or inconvenient conditions are imposed on you, if you are asked for favors that are a burden to you. Refusal should be gracious but adamant. In this way, you will teach your partner to reckon with your time, strength, feelings and interests. And there will be no reason for internal irritation and hidden anger.
Remember: you have a personal space, and no one is allowed to invade there without permission, to establish their own rules there. Gently but relentlessly suppress attempts to control you - read your letters, interrupt you from necessary affairs, subjecting your personal time to momentary whims and urgent demands. True, there are two sides here: you, too, must understand that control over another person destroys the relationship, so you should not secretly make a "revision" in the partner's personal space. Respect the boundaries of your and others' freedom.
Express your thoughts directly, in a correct, not offensive form, demand the same from your partner, gradually "straightening" the relationship. True, you will also have to be an attentive listener, learn to put yourself in the place of another and understand a different point of view. The most correct words in the dialogue should be the formulas: "I would like to …", "it seems to me that …", "I think that …". Give your partner a chance to explain their position. This dialogue strengthens personal relationships and fosters mutual understanding and respect.
An unreliable partner will not approach a self-confident person, since he will immediately feel that manipulations at the level of personal relationships are impossible and useless. A confident woman will attract a strong and reliable man, and a confident man will attract a sincere and devoted woman. Self-confidence is not born with a person, but develops throughout life.
The basis of confidence is respect for oneself and the personality of another. If a person does not know how to build a life together on self-respect, it is unlikely that a potential partner will respect his "soul mate". And if you do not respect your partner and go "over the heads" - it is possible that one day your union will be smashed to smithereens when your partner runs out of strength and patience. Be attentive to your partner; you cannot be blind in relationships. After all, the payment for blindness can be a personal life that has not developed.
