“I would like my child to be more independent” - say many mothers, but they do the opposite of their words. They dress and undress their children themselves, spoon-feed them, and often answer “not now” to the firm childish “I myself”. And then suddenly they begin to demand independence from the child.
The crisis of three years, or in other words, the crisis "I myself" is a great time to start raising a child to be independent. During this period, the baby has a need to assert himself in this world, to become more independent and self-reliant. And it becomes a vital need.
Some parents deliberately ignore this need, because: “He is still very young. When he grows up, then he himself will eat, dress, choose what to play, etc. And now he has me for this! It is useless to deprive a child of his childhood. " But when will this "grow up" come? At 7 years old? AT 10 O'CLOCK? Or at 18?
Others cannot teach a kid to be independent, because they do not have time for this: “Now we are late, so I will dress you myself and feed you from a spoon. But then we will learn! And so every day.
Indeed, it will take a long time to teach a kid how to dress, eat, and put away their toys on their own. But depriving the baby of independence and independence, parents risk raising an infantile and insecure person.
What needs to be done to make the child independent?
Psychologists and teachers have developed a number of rules, following which, parents can raise an independent child:
1. Turn your home into a developing space
This is not so difficult to do. On the one hand, the house must be safe for the baby, so all dangerous, sharp objects and household chemicals must be removed higher. On the other hand, the house should not restrict the child: let him have the opportunity to move freely, look into all the drawers, cabinets, look at the items stored there, and touch them.
In addition, the child should have his own place in the house, his desk, his wardrobe and his own things, which he can dispose of at will. You can equip him with a shelf in the bathroom so that he can wash himself. You can give him a shelf in the kitchen where his personal dishes will be stored, 2-3 types of snacks (cookies, a bar and a bun, for example) so that he can eat on his own when he feels hungry.
2. Stop helping in matters that the baby already knows how to do on his own
No matter how much the soul and body strives to help and do everything for the child, you need to stop yourself in time. A one-year-old baby can eat with a fork or a spoon, albeit not ideally, but still himself. At 1, 5-2 years old, the child can independently take off shorts, skirts, T-shirts, sweaters. At 3 years old, the baby himself can pull on tights, pants, a jacket, outerwear.
Let him push, puff and sniff, but try to do it on his own. If, after several attempts, the baby asks for help, then it is necessary to do not instead of him, but together with him.
3. As often as possible, provide the child with the opportunity to choose
Failure to make a decision is a misfortune for many adults. And the root of this problem lies in childhood. Mom chose clothes, toys, mugs and sections. The grandmother decided what and how much her grandson wanted to eat, how much supplement he needed. And it's good if this is where “love and care” ends. After all, some parents choose with whom their children can be friends, where to go, with whom to marry. And then they wonder why their “child” at 25 differs little from a vegetable.
Therefore, it is important to give the child the opportunity to choose as often as possible. Let everyday clothes lie in a place accessible to him so that, when going for a walk, he himself can choose what to wear. Even if he chooses a mismatched yellow T-shirt, green pants and red socks. Let in the cold season he, feeling that his hands are frozen, ask him to help him put on gloves. In the store, when shopping, you can offer him a choice of 2-3 alternatives.
4. Give the child as much time as he needs
Due to his age and physical development, a child undergoes even any simple operation much longer than an adult. But the more often he does the same action, the faster and better he will get it. Therefore, you should not rush to do something for him. Ultimately, if the mother dresses the child, then it will take much less time to get ready. But the baby will also study longer.
If parents want their child in the bed to become a mature, independent, harmoniously developed personality, then you need to be patient. And the phrase "let me, I'll do it myself better" should not be pronounced in front of a child.
5. Let the child become a helper
Many parents try to do household chores during the absence or sleep of the child, as it does not distract or interfere. Yes, it's really convenient to do that. But do not forget that it is easier to teach a child to help adults at 2 years old than at 10.
Therefore, you need to try as often as possible to involve the child in cleaning the house, in cooking, in working at the summer cottage. Yes, this way housework will take more time, but the child will receive a bunch of knowledge and skills that will be useful to him in the future.
As you grow older, you can assign the child with household chores that he can do. For example, spraying flowers, dusting your room, setting the table. So, from childhood, the baby will learn to respect and value work, and, with a high probability, will not grow up as a thoughtless consumer.
6. Remember that the child has the right to be wrong
When a child learns to do something new, and at the same time makes a mistake, this is normal. It can drop, spill, put on backwards. And before you scold, criticize or make a remark, it is worth thinking: do adults always succeed in everything the first time without mistakes?
The less criticism and more support, the faster the child learns to recognize his mistakes and avoid them.
Principles of organizing a home environment
The home environment should be designed in such a way that the child is provided with as much independence as possible:
- Put comfortable cabinets, hangers, hooks to make it easier for the child to get and clean clothes on their own.
- Buy clothes with comfortable fasteners, Velcro, buttons, etc.
- Toys, books, objects for creativity should always be freely available so that the child can get and remove them himself.
- Equip the bathroom in such a way that the child can easily reach the tap, use hygiene products and a towel.
- The pot or toilet head should also be freely available.
- Rags, a broom or a brush should also be accessible to the child so that he can always clean up after himself.
In the end, I would like to note that independence is the first step towards responsibility. But responsibility is a trait inherent in a strong personality. If parents want their child to become a strong personality, then it is necessary to bring up independence in him at an early age.
