The phrase "We need to talk seriously" seems to have already set the men on edge: hearing this, they frown like a lemon, and hurry to curtail the conversation and retreat. Indeed, showdown is an unpleasant process, but not at all synonymous with scandal.
No - emotions, yes - dialogue
Unfortunately, many girls do not even try to express their claims directly. They change their behavior, send meaningful messages or drop "random" phrases in the hope that the partner will not only notice all these complex manipulations, but even remember and connect one with the other. Strictly speaking, men cannot read minds. And women too.
As a result, the girl spends efforts to convey to her chosen one an encrypted message - a request for help, a thirst for attention, a desire for affection. She has expectations that are not met. As a result, she explodes, recalling all the insults to him at once. For her partner, this explosion is inexplicable: he may have felt that something was wrong, but did not see the reason. And he naturally takes offense in response.
You should not try to fix something while you are both offended and agitated: instead of an "exchange of views", an "exchange of reproaches" will take place. What is, in essence, a relationship? This is a long-term social contact. Negative emotions interfere with any social contacts, because they interfere with dialogue, and no matter what: imagine that an angry, screaming person runs up to you on the street and demands to tell you the way - your rejection and desire to break off such contact is quite logical.
"I" -position
"You're cold and rude." “I feel that you have become cold to me. I perceive some of your words as rudeness and it is unpleasant for me. " The first statement is a rebuke. The second is a purely personal feeling that you cannot change - therefore the partner will have to change. Support your words with examples.
"You give me little attention." “I would like to see you more often. I'm sad without your attention. " The first statement will not help a man in any way: for one, attention is an expensive gift, for another - hourly calls, the third thinks that attention is a joint viewing of TV. Tell him exactly what you want, what will make you feel better in the relationship.
Do not be afraid to use the phrase “Do I understand you correctly that …” if any of your partner's answers are vague or seem fundamentally unacceptable to you. Retell out loud what you have learned from the conversation, and ask him about the same: even between two people a real “broken phone” is possible.
More specifics
Adults differ from children in that they can articulate their needs. And the relationship between two adults is respect, recognition and care. Caring also includes mutual satisfaction of needs.
When it comes to relationships, you should not rush to extremes: how to deny your needs to please his needs, and sit on the neck of a responsive partner.
However, be honest with yourself: not every relationship is capable of giving us everything we really need, and if after all the dialogues, ultimatum deadlines and last chances, you feel powerless to change anything - it is. Your task is to convey to your partner what and why you want, but if you did it, and he did not change anything, it means that he does not want, and, in general, has the right to do so. It is your right to continue a relationship that you are unhappy with, or start another in which you will be treated with due care and attention.
