You met the man of your dreams, a strong feeling flared up between you. You have decided that you are ready to start a family with him and acquire offspring. At some point, you will learn from the man that he was married, but divorced, and the ex-wife is now raising their common child. And there is already something to think about.
Information that your chosen one already has experience in family life may be ambivalent for you. On the one hand, this has a lot of advantages. A man with experience is more trustworthy. But there may be pitfalls in this story. So, what to be prepared for if you are going to marry a man with a past.
1. With a high degree of probability, his ex-wife will try to get him back. Even if she didn't think about it, the emergence of a serious relationship in your couple can provoke her to these actions. There are two options for development. If this woman is wise enough, your chances of being with this man are drastically reduced. She will act accurately, knowing the weaknesses of your chosen one better than you. But if this woman acts based on her emotions, then sooner or later her resentment and anger will do your job for you. In either case, the man will know that he can always return to his ex, and this thought will have a devastating effect on your relationship.
2. Write on your hand and memorize: his children are forever. The sooner you realize this, the better.
3. Chances are high that the man's relatives will not be happy with you. There are two options for the development of events: either he will listen to his relatives, or he will quarrel with them. In both cases, there are no winners.
4. Be prepared for your man (hopefully non-verbal) to compare you to your ex-wife. Moreover, everything is compared, from hairstyles to borscht. Try not to be offended and not to fall into sacrifice, but to improve yourself. This is a great excuse to learn the valuable things his ex has excelled at.
5. Your man will feel guilty about his former family for a long time. Be prepared for your ex-spouse to use it on occasion.
6. All conflicts that did not end in the previous family, the man will unconsciously project onto your relationship. Hence the conclusion: listen carefully when he shares this sensitive issue with you. Build your strategy ahead of time.
7. Be prepared that your persona will be vilified and gossip behind your back. Take it easy. "The dog barks - the caravan moves on."
8. If you are married, at first the spouse may not accept you as his wife. This vacant place in his mind will be occupied by the former. Do not react violently, this is physiology: the psyche needs time to reorganize to a new situation.
9. The most difficult point: a man may not want children for some time … Unfortunately, there is no recipe in this case. Decide what's best for you. Wait for it to ripen to the offspring, do not wait, or some kind of your own version.
If you found enough wisdom and patience in yourself and overcame these obstacles, congratulations - you are a happy owner of a strong family!
