Is It Normal, Being In A Second Marriage, To Love Your Ex-wife

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Is It Normal, Being In A Second Marriage, To Love Your Ex-wife
Is It Normal, Being In A Second Marriage, To Love Your Ex-wife

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The unsuccessful marriage was left behind. The man has created a new family, and it seems that now nothing will prevent him from starting a new, happier life. But something gets in the way - it turns out that feelings for his ex-wife have not yet been forgotten.

Second marriage is not a cure for old love
Second marriage is not a cure for old love

The situation when a man, married for a second marriage, continues to love his ex-wife, can cause bewilderment. If a man still loves that woman, it is difficult to understand why he divorced her and married another. If the love for the first wife has died, it is not clear why to remember her. Nevertheless, in life this happens often enough to be worth considering.

Reasons for "double" love

Not always a man divorces his wife of his own free will. It often happens that husbands leave their wives, but there is also the opposite situation, when the wife is the initiator of the divorce. The reasons may be different: a woman fell in love with another, she was not satisfied with her husband's low salary. In some cases, the husband himself provokes a woman to divorce - for example, drunkenness, home dictatorship or "light flirting" on the side. But even in the latter case, the husband may not lose affection for his wife and not want to part with her.

A man who finds himself in the status of divorced not of his own free will, but at the request of his ex-wife, may well retain feelings for her. This can happen even if the man was not guilty before his wife, if she offended him - the feeling of wounded pride is not always able to overcome love.

Once in such a situation, a person may well seek to find solace in a new marriage. It is unlikely that anything good will come of this: the principle of "knocking out a wedge by a wedge" cannot be applied to human relations. The feeling for the ex-wife will not go anywhere, and the new spouse, who is not to blame for anything in front of her husband, will suffer, feeling that the man lives with her without love.

Memory selectivity

Even if sympathy for the first wife faded after the divorce, she can be reborn in a new marriage. An unexpected meeting with an ex-wife can become a "trigger".

The human psyche has defense mechanisms, one of them is the ability of memory to block negative memories. If the case ended in divorce, it means that there were more unpleasant aspects in the marriage than pleasant ones, but the memory will preserve the good, and the bad will be "thrown away." A few years after the divorce, a man will more often remember not how his wife tormented him with scandals, but how good she was in bed, how well she cooked. This will force him to compare his ex-wife with the present, whose shortcomings he observes "here and now" - and, of course, the comparison will not be in favor of the second wife. This development of events is especially likely if the previous marriage was happy and ended not in divorce, but in the death of the wife.

A widowed or divorced man should remember that marriage is not a psychological solution. You can create a new family only with the confidence that the past will not have a negative impact on the emerging relationship.

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