A close relationship is not a guarantee that a loved one will henceforth be at the "disposal" for ever and ever. Relationships are constantly evolving, changing, being tested. How to keep mutual warmth and confidence in each other? How to find the "golden mean" in which the relationship does not break down and does not become boring?
Love is not an abstract category. It is expressed in actions, words, emotions. A close relationship is not only about kissing, sighing, and playing love, but also a test of how to reckon with each other. This is a living energy that unites two people, flowing from one partner to another. Therefore, the question is - what do partners give to each other? - very important.
If you do not return energy to your partner in the form of love, the loved one will simply fizzle out and feel lonely next to you, and you risk being indifferent and selfish in the eyes of your partner.
If you express love too violently, a loved one may lose a sense of the value of the feeling directed at him. And maybe even worse - an excessive demonstration of love will be perceived as intrusiveness or a desire to oblige a partner, to bind him with excessive guardianship of the arms and legs.
If his share gets negative emotions in the form of criticism, ridicule, reproaches and suspicions, and the relationship is constantly tense and fraught with unpleasant moments - attraction to you will weaken, feelings will dull, and love may cool down, but the relationship threatens to turn into a dull habit of “putting up with shortcomings living together. And then the real problem, requiring joint discussion and solution, will not be heard or will be perceived as your next boring notation.
In a love union, oddly enough, it is not hot passions and violent impulses that are important, but the "golden mean". This applies to everything: the emotions evoked from each other, and sex, and care, and communication. An overdose of love ardor and attention brings fatigue and a desire to withdraw, and a lack - causes a feeling of abandonment, unnecessary suspicion and irritation. How to keep the warmth of the relationship and mutual confidence in each other? How to find the "middle ground"?
Remember: a showdown is a conflict zone. Therefore, trying to resolve misunderstandings or misunderstandings between you, do not do it in the bedroom when your partner is absorbed in completely different thoughts and carried away by completely different goals. Do not arrange "debriefing" in a state of alcoholic intoxication, or the next morning after heavy libations, do not "itch" when a loved one is physically unwell. You should not start a conversation with loud music on, or when your partner is busy with something or, for example, during football on TV. The environment during such serious conversations should be free from urgent matters, calm, and nothing should divide or distract you from each other. For example, a comfortable joint tea-drinking with delicious "buns" at the table can become a "testing ground" for sorting things out. Think that your love and good mood of a loved one is much more important than partial discomfort caused by temporary inconsistencies - and on this positive wave, start talking about the painful one.
Do not hold grudges in yourself, do not hide problems that you yourself cannot solve, do not keep silent about what infuriates or annoys you in a loved one. But also do not turn communication into endless reproaches, complaints, irrepressible criticism. It is better to calmly, choosing an opportune moment, discuss the causes and symptoms of discomfort in the relationship. During such a conversation, you need to try to "not overstep", distance yourself from emotions, be as short as possible, not rant about your partner's shortcomings, and in no case be malicious.
A confidential conversation, built in the form of a dialogue, will bring much more sense than a tragicomic performance - a monologue in your performance or a list of claims - from the manner of dressing to mistakes in behavior. Try to get rid of imperative verbs and annoying recommendations in speech: what, how and when to do it. Focus your attention on the question - why does the partner act or looks like this?
Also try to be modest when dealing with friends or family. Complete disregard for them on your part will be perceived as offensive indifference, and the desire to "get in the eye" and please everyone indiscriminately - as insincerity and vulgar coquetry. Communicating with friends, parents, relatives, showing attention to them, constantly keep your precious "soul mate" in sight and attention. At the same time, try to restrain your impulses to prove to everyone around you how you love your chosen one or your chosen one, to demonstrate publicly how dear your partner is. Agree, conspiratorial "secrets", frank looks, intimate hints, persistent "hugs" in the presence of friends or parents will be misunderstood by them, make them feel superfluous and slightly humiliated, cause unconscious jealousy. In a partner, however, this can provoke feelings of shame, awkwardness and embarrassment. In any case, such behavior will bring irritation and unpleasant tension.
Do not be afraid to confess privately to your loved one in concerns about his behavior, but in no case do not make public remarks or reminders of past "sins". Do not be ironic in the presence of strangers about past "mistakes" and do not remind of past grievances. Never discuss your partner behind the eyes, even with the best intentions - neither with his friends nor with his relatives. And even more so, talk about your partner “in the third person” in his presence, even if you have a desire to be touched and “touch” about him in order to please those who are connected with him by friendship or family ties.
Never set conditions, do not present ultimatums, do not put a partner before a choice: “either me or my mother (friends, relatives)”, “or smoking or kissing”, and so on. Connections and bad habits appeared earlier than you arose in the life of a loved one. And believe me, having chosen a life together for himself, he dreamed less that as a result of such a choice he would have to completely change his life, give up what previously brought him pleasure or little worldly joys. Don't overhang!
At the same time, you should not mindlessly close your eyes to the liberties in your presence - for example, unrestrained flirting with girlfriends or friends, mate in conversation, too long friendly gatherings, too frequent drinking. Try to gently but convincingly make it clear to your partner that you cannot be ignored, and you are not just an "addition" to him, but a completely independent person, claiming at least a certain portion of attention and respect.
Do not overload your partner with your problems, do not run to him with petty complaints, do not discuss all incidents with your friends and girlfriends with him, do not tug on him on every trifle matter, demonstrating your deliberate inconsistency and helplessness. At the same time, it is not worth "pulling on" joint responsibilities and solving problems that were not created by you. You need to cope with the difficulties of everyday life, with financial issues together, and make decisions together, after consulting and finding a compromise.
The "golden mean" in a relationship will bring balance and confidence to both. In a relationship, the main thing is not to pass over, your partner should feel a reliable and safe "rear", because he has no other "rear" except you. And with the right attitude, it will not appear …
