As practice shows, most human complexes, problems with self-esteem and other unpleasant things are laid in childhood. Everyone seems to know this. But not everyone thinks that it is not someone there, but our parents who are putting all these problems into their heads. No, of course, we get certain things when communicating with peers and other people. But the basic attitudes appear in the head precisely by parental efforts.
Let's look at a couple of examples. We walk calmly down the street and see a young mother yelling at the child. Screams scary, splashes with saliva. What did the kid do? He tripped and got his pants dirty. That is, you understand, the problem is minimal. But my mother doesn't think so. She screams something like this: “you always mess up everything,” “normal children don't behave like that,” and so on. Think about it. In her words, she put the following into the fragile brain: “there are normal people, and there is me, an abnormal one”. Everything, the child has a complex!
But it might turn out differently. Another mother loves and protects her child. She is standing with him in line. And he kicks the person standing in front of him out of boredom. Let's say it's you. You are trying to explain to his mother that you do not like kicks at all, and in general, the child needs to be raised. In response, you hear a flurry of angry speeches, in the spirit: "How can you, this is a child." And that's all, the kid will grow into a uniform boor and an egoist with high self-esteem.
And these are not just crude examples. If you rummage through your memory, you will find that you have witnessed such scenes. There is a lot you can do with children. You can devalue their dignity, compare with others, pay no attention or, on the contrary, overly patronize … Osho has a phrase where Adam became a man when he said “no” to God. And this is the correct thought. A person then becomes a person when he begins to feel his inner boundaries and protect them. A child cannot do that. He is forced to endure and deform as a result of gross violations of his limits. That is, it is such violence against children, only psychological.
What if your parents haven't read clever parenting books and still put something wrong in your head? Well, first of all, don't complain. Because if you start pushing all responsibility onto your parents, they say they are bad, then the problem will not be solved in any way. So you need to understand your problem and solve it exactly. Work on yourself.
