In any relationship, there are moments of quarrels between people, clashes of interests and, as a result, a conflict. We are used to treating conflict situations as something negative. Conflict scholars divide conflicts into destructive, leading to a deterioration in relations, and constructive, helping to productively resolve differences and reach a new, more advanced level of understanding.
Types of conflicts
In order to understand how to calm down and not get nervous after a quarrel, consider what conflicts occur most often.
• Family. This is a quarrel between loved ones. Between spouses, the eternal dispute between parents and children, misunderstanding of sisters, brothers. Everything related to problems with relatives.
• Workers. Conflicts with bosses, employees, subordinates.
• Random. Quarrels in queues, traffic jams, public transport with completely strangers, but sometimes so annoying people.
Despite the different emotional involvement, each of these types of quarrels annoys and does not allow to calm down. You need to understand that only the first two types of conflicts are worth our strength and nerves. Better not to feed off the "emotional vampires" you encounter by chance. In such a situation, it is easier to shrug and step aside without giving the brawler the opportunity to drag you into an unpleasant and unproductive discussion.
Way out of a conflict situation
One of the best ways to avoid getting nervous about an argument is to avoid it. But if the conversation has already begun in a raised voice, then knowing how to calm down during a quarrel, you can minimize the time and destructive force of the consequences of the conflict.
• Put yourself in the shoes of your opponent. Look at the cause of the argument from the other person's point of view, try to feel the same as him. In this way, you can find common ground of your interests and come to a compromise without developing the situation to a quarrel.
• Operate with arguments, not emotions. Do not get personal, making claims, never belittle the dignity of your opponent - discuss only his behavior, which was the subject of misunderstanding, without turning to personal insults.
• If you feel that you or the other person emotionally cannot carry on the conversation in a calm manner, speak directly about it, offer to continue your conversation after a while, when both of you calm down and can really discuss the problem, and not exchange reproaches and insults.
Save nerves
If, nevertheless, it was not possible to avoid an argument, simple and effective ways on how to calm down and not get nervous after a quarrel will help not to spoil the nervous system with unnecessary experiences that form the prerequisites for chronic stress.
• Distraction. A great way to keep your thoughts occupied with something else, leaving the "fiddling" in your head for an unpleasant conversation in search of a better answer. Take care of cleaning, washing, go chopping wood, putting puzzles - in general, keep yourself busy with something useful.
• Stroll. One of the most effective ways to let off steam. An hour of walking at a brisk pace will help put your thoughts in order, think about what happened, look at the situation from different angles and calm down.
• Reading. Studies have shown that reading relieves stress more effectively than sedatives.
• List of pros and cons. Taking a piece of paper, divide it in two. In one, write down all the arguments in your defense. In the other, honestly admit to yourself where you were wrong. Remember, both sides are always to blame for a conflict.
• Creation. Do something you love that is fun and emotionally satisfying. This way you can relieve tension and calm down.
• Cold and hot shower. For those who like extreme measures, you can take a contrast shower. The sharp alternation of temperatures will relieve stress and tone the body.
