When children grow up, they want to gain independence, to separate from their parents, and this is natural. Adult children have their own lives, their own problems and desires, experiences and judgments. But this process is not always easy. On the one hand, parents often perceive children as little ones who must always be taken care of, or, conversely, as their continuation, which owes their lives to them. On the other hand, children who are accustomed to the greenhouse conditions in their parents' house are not quite ready to part with them.
Instructions
Step 1
Psychologists believe that each person on the way to their independence goes through four stages of separation (separation from parents). First, this is emotional separation, when the dependence of a young man or girl on parental opinion, approval or disapproval gradually decreases. Secondly, the assessment of the external world by parental eyes is overcome, a person develops his own view of the world, based on personal experience and mistakes. In addition, separation from parents is impossible if there is no so-called. functional separation, i.e. the ability to provide for themselves and their needs independently. And, finally, children leaving their parents should not feel guilty for this in front of them.
Step 2
The first step towards independence from your parents is realizing your psychological problems. If nothing prevents you from leaving your parental home and starting an independent life, but you do not do this or are looking for reasons to explain your indecision to yourself and to other people, then the reason is in you. Try to understand what it is. Are you afraid that your parents will consider you a traitor and an ungrateful person? Are you afraid that you will not cope with your independence and will have to come back with a bowed head and an inferiority complex? Or maybe it's just convenient for you not to make any decisions, not to be responsible for your actions, not to think about your daily bread? Understand yourself and determine if you want independence or if you are comfortable with addiction. If you can't get your thoughts in order, see a professional psychologist.
Step 3
You should not raise the question of your independence by shouting and quarreling with your parents. First, think about how you will live without your parents, because yours will pull along a chain of problems that you will have to solve on your own. First of all, it is everyday life and finances.
Step 4
Start serving yourself now. Do your laundry, cook your own dinners, clean your apartment, etc. In order to understand in practice what you are capable of, you can live for some time in the country without parents, with a friend or some distant relative.
Step 5
Stop taking money from your parents. Look for a good job or, if you're still studying, a part-time job. Learn to plan your expenses and measure earnings according to your desires. For this, it will not be superfluous to start your own "accounting" and calculate everything.
Step 6
If you are haunted by any adversity, try to talk about it to your parents as little as possible. Keep silent about some sensitive topics. After all, the less parents know about it, the less reason they will discuss, argue, insist or sort things out. Better to get to know people who have similar problems in relationships with parents, in order to provide mutual support and ask for advice.
Step 7
Try to find a separate home for yourself. You can rent an apartment or get a room in a hostel - almost all students have this opportunity. And if you have the opportunity to go abroad for an internship, do not miss it.
Step 8
Remember that your parents will get over your separation even if they tell you otherwise. By saving them from living alone, you are only acting to your detriment, and you will not make anyone happy - neither them nor yourself. Understand that if you live apart, your relationship will not end, it will simply change. You and your parents will not be seniors and juniors, leaders and subordinates, but partners, comrades-in-arms, people who can always help and support each other.
