This question, perhaps, today is one of the rather actively controversial ones. At the same time, when advising young women and girls, I often come across the fact that the difficulties they have in relationships with men are in one way or another connected with the client's position on this issue. And each time I have to analyze in detail the cause-and-effect relationships between the problem and the client's behavior, determined by her position, as well as the behavior of her man in this direction.
Many ladies put the following meaning into the category of "man achieves a girl": a man should take a girl to a cafe, give her flowers and gifts, give her compliments, take responsibility for spending leisure time and pay for it, take care of a girl, withstand her absurd antics and stoically wait until she begins to show her feelings for him, location, and also agree to have sex. Each lady has her own "measure" of how much effort, time and money a man should invest in her before she begins to show her favor, and also agrees to have sex.
All this is like a game, and not a sincere relationship between a man and a woman. Is not it? This is how many men perceive the courtship process. Some play this game with enthusiasm, others are forced to agree to it, others refuse it, going in search of the girl who does not play such games.
The romantic component of this category, with which it was filled in the historical framework quite recently, has, unfortunately, faded into the background today. Modern people have become more pragmatic, more stingy with the manifestation of romantic feelings. This applies equally to both sexes.
However, all men are different. In some there is more romanticism, in others - adventurism, in the third - pragmatism …
Of course, not every man has the interest and ability to be competitive and competitive. They do not have the spirit of adventurism, they quickly lose interest in the processes in which they cannot achieve quick success, they are not inclined to show perseverance and perseverance, to overcome difficulties on the way to achieving the goal. Rather, they are characterized by openness, sincerity, trust. Such men, of course, with a high degree of probability will not stubbornly pursue a girl. At the same time, it does not matter whether he has financial opportunities for this or not. They value a genuine interest in themselves, are very sensitive to what may indicate a lack of sincerity. Like any person in love, such men become extremely susceptible to any manifestations of manipulation, pretense, displays of interest not in them as individuals, but in their financial situation and the ability to generously share their financial resources with a girl.
If the girl does not arouse strong interest of such a man, he will not make attempts to gain her favor. If, on the contrary, he is interested in a relationship with a girl, he can play the game “let him get me” for some time. However, such a game will not be able to continue for long. The format of the relationship will be a painful burden for such a man, and he would rather interrupt them than continue to wait for them to change.
Another category of men does not feel rejection of the situation of rivalry and adversariality, they are able to experience small failures without losing interest in the process, they are distinguished by perseverance and perseverance. Such men, of course, will strive to achieve the location of the girl, spending both time and effort and money. Nevertheless, the situation itself, if it drags on for too long according to their subjective feelings, will be unpleasant for them. Understanding that in a relationship with him a girl is driven mainly by a mercantile interest, such men lead to disappointment and, often, to refusal to continue the relationship.
At the same time, the expended efforts will give, according to his own feelings, the relationship with the girl more significance. We always value much more what we have been striving for for a long time and in which we have invested a lot of effort. The loss of the location of the girl, whose attention he sought with difficulty, will be regarded as more significant than if he did not make special efforts to this.
Another "pitfall" is the substitution of a man's motivation, when for some reason, most often, when there is no progress in the relationship for a long time, and the desire to achieve a girl is great. At some point, the need to get the girl's favor at all costs will come to the fore for him. In such a situation, the goal for him will no longer be a relationship with her, but a result. Achieving the result will be the end of the process, and the relationship with the girl, due to the shift in motivation, will no longer be necessary.
The third category includes men with a pronounced spirit of adventurism, intransigence to difficulties, colossal perseverance and perseverance. They are, by nature, more like "hunters". However, it should be understood that the true motivation of the "hunter" is not the prey, but the process of the hunt itself. For him, prey is a goal, having experienced satisfaction from the achievement of which, the "hunter" loses interest in it. That is why sometimes men who have long sought the location of a girl, having achieved their goal, instantly lose all interest in her.
The fourth category includes men who tend to believe that girls themselves should seek their favor. Often, such a conviction hides an elementary inability to build relationships with the opposite sex, the lack of developed communication skills, as well as the trauma for them of any situation of failure. They rather take a wait-and-see attitude and fall in love with every girl who has shown interest in them.
The fifth category includes men who have developed intimophobia on an emotional and spiritual level, and also, quite possibly, on a sexual level. Such men tend to avoid rapprochement with a girl, and seeking a girl for them becomes an internally unacceptable category. They avoid close relationships rather than open to making efforts to develop them. In the overwhelming majority of cases, rapprochement with them is possible only with a relationship directed by the girl herself, taking into account all the nuances of the manifestation of intimophobia.
Perhaps, in this article, I will refrain from answering the question in the title, suggesting that each girl who read it do it herself.
