According to statistics, 57% of married women have a tense relationship with their mother-in-law. Someone endures all his life, someone is trying to smooth over sharp corners. In any case, the mother-in-law is not a monster, but a person with whom it is not at all difficult to find a common language.
Clarifying the problem
Dislike does not arise out of nowhere. If your mother-in-law does not frankly like you, try to find out the reasons for this attitude. Arrange an evening of frank conversation, preferably on the mother-in-law's territory.
Speak directly and without hints, emphasizing your relationship. For example: “I feel that our relationship is far from friendly and it hurts your son. I love him as much as you do, and I want peace and mutual respect in our family. Help me, tell me how to achieve this."
Paths to Reconciliation
Many make the same mistake: they try their best to please their mother-in-law, but they do it too intrusively: they ask for advice all the time, try to please. Remember that a person should have their own comfort zone, which they may not let you into. Respect the personal space and opinion of the mother-in-law, but do not drive yourself into frames.
If your mother-in-law expresses her dissatisfaction with you about something that you like, calmly say: “I appreciate your opinion, but at the moment we have decided this way. Let's decide together next time. But if you have promised something, keep your promise.
There are opposite cases when the mother-in-law persistently offers her help and tries to be in the center of your events everywhere. Take it for granted. Often a person lives someone else's lives when there is no one of his own. In this case, help your mother-in-law to realize herself as a woman: offer to go to the hairdresser together, advise a movie or a concert that she might like.
Oddly enough, but your spouse can help make friends with your mother-in-law, even without direct participation. Praise your spouse in front of your mother-in-law. It is always pleasant for a mother when her child is praised, and for the mother-in-law your husband will remain a “beloved child” for life. But do not pretend, praise for the cause.
Grandchildren as a way to make friends with the mother-in-law
If you have children, be prepared for a flurry of criticism from your mother-in-law: you bring up the wrong way, or buy it. Here, the "acceptance-switching" effect will also work: you seem to take the side of your mother-in-law, but smoothly switch her to your opinion. For example: “We are pleased with your care of children, but let us be realized as parents. We will gladly accept your help in upbringing, but we will make the final decision ourselves. " It is very important to say "we, us" so that the mother-in-law does not perceive your words as exclusively your selfish opinion.
Grandmothers tend to pamper their grandchildren. Do not limit the communication of the mother-in-law with the grandchildren, but agree on the rules in advance. If the child is not allowed to eat any foods, explain reasonably that this is not your whim, but harm to his health. And there is a certain reading technique by which you learn. Introduce your mother-in-law to all the necessary benefits so that your child can have a good time when you are away.
