In some families, jealousy on the part of the spouse is even more of a problem than real relationship discord. It is by no means always that a husband's betrayal entails anxiety in a woman. Often there are just fears that turn into obsessions. And the wife begins to constantly suspect the man of infidelity. The advice of a psychologist in this case boils down to the fact that a woman first of all needs to work with herself.
Where does the fear come from?
The origins of the fear of her husband's betrayal lie in women's self-esteem. If a spouse is not confident in herself, in her feelings, in her appearance, then she is often afraid of her husband's infidelity. Such experiences are especially acute in the period immediately after the appearance of the baby in the family. The young mother has not yet had time to put herself in order, to lose weight, in addition, the child takes up almost all of her time. And the doctors are generally forbidden to engage in sex for the first 6-8 weeks after childbirth. Not finding their place in the new family, husbands leave to seek warmth and attention to their mistresses. But not all spouses do this. It happens that there is fear of the wife, but there has never been infidelity. Paranoia can just provoke a spouse to commit adultery.
Strong and confident women are also not immune to this fear. Perhaps there is a real reason for the worries (the husband is actually cheating). But always in such situations there is a discord in the relationship between spouses: one of them (or both) does not receive care and love, attention.
Psychologist's advice: what a woman should not do
- … Such behavior will only worsen the situation, and will not lead to constructive dialogue.
- … Regular sex allows both partners to enjoy, relax and bond. Even if a woman has a strong fear that her husband is not faithful, you should not stop having sex with him. When suspicions are unfounded, the lack of intimacy will lead to further separation of spouses from each other. And in a situation of real betrayal of the husband, the wife's refusal to have sex can accelerate his departure from the family.
What to do
- Be sure (preferably creative or sports) and dive into it headlong. Even a young mother, who is sitting with a very small child, needs to be distracted from the baby from time to time and do something of her own. At least an hour of time several times a week, a woman should devote to something personal: embroider, write a book, draw, go to fitness. When a woman's thoughts are busy with what she loves, she simply has no time to be jealous and afraid.
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not in the form of a claim, but in "I-statements", as psychologists advise: "I am afraid that you are cheating on me", "I feel that I am not good enough for you", "I am worried about our relationship." It is the first-person wording that will help a woman convey her fears to her husband, not her demands. This starts a constructive dialogue about what needs to be corrected so that the spouse feels comfortable.
- it is necessary to eliminate unnecessary fears of her husband's betrayal. If fitness classes and independent work on yourself are not enough, then it is better to seek help from a psychologist.
Do not forget about your husband's feelings. He also needs warmth and care. Regardless of their fears and jealousy, the spouse should pay attention to the man, be interested in his affairs and life. Perhaps the spouse also has worries that he has become uninteresting to his wife. Only a dialogue full of trust and love will open the way for improving family relationships.
