There are no perfect people. Why do women forget about it when they get married and find that the person they love has a flaw?
There are no perfect people. We know this almost from childhood, but many women make the mistake of trying to "reshape" the personality of a partner to please their whims and whims.
When the delights of the "candy-bouquet" period end, real life begins together, many married couples are faced with the fact that a partner is not ideal, he has a number of shortcomings, and in business he can make mistakes, like any person. Men in such cases are more tolerant and condescending. Women, on the other hand, begin to "return the bygone happiness", urgently "correct the situation", resorting to not very delicate methods. They begin to criticize, teach, fall into resentment because a man does not behave the way a woman would like. A variety of manipulations are used: from sugary "magic phrases" read in women's magazines - to provocations in the form of ridicule, vulgar hysteria and crude blackmail. This approach often backfires on both.
Wanting to improve the atmosphere of the relationship, women think more about their own psychological comfort, and not about how their partner feels. Building in their imagination a certain abstract ideal, they proceed from what a man should be in order for a woman to feel good and comfortable. This is the main mistake. As soon as a man hears a list of what he "should", a desire to protect himself from psychological abuse awakens in him. You can get a defensive reaction in response, which will evolve from the desire to please - to outbursts of aggression and the coming cooling.
No matter how beautiful you are, a man in a woman appreciates above all warmth and support, psychological safety. Going into a serious relationship, he trusts a woman as much as she trusts him. And if he already lives with her under the same roof, he does this because he feels in a woman not only an object of physiological passion, but also an understanding, kindred spirit. Passion can be dulled, exacerbated, weakened, intensified, and soul kinship is something that a normal, healthy man will never give up and will value it above all, regardless of fluctuations in physical attraction.
Do you think that your man does everything "wrong", and you endlessly strive for a place and not a place to give him advice? All this will lead to the fact that he simply stops taking the initiative, begins to hide his activities. Endless criticism unbalances, makes you nervous, a man develops a persistent inferiority complex next to his wife, who knows everything in the world better than he does. As a result, you will either get a non-initiative "mattress" that will simply avoid independent decisions and responsibility, or you will provoke a conflict and a stable aggressive reaction to your desire to somehow evaluate and discuss his actions. Any your attempt to comment on his actions will come across a dull defensive reaction.
To fight for the right to be privy to your partner's affairs in such cases is fraught with the fact that you can ruin the relationship completely, and the man will stop sharing with you, deprive you of his personal trust. As a result, sooner or later, he will find a person who will accept him without negative criticism. And it's good if this person is only a fishing companion, and not a secret friend or work colleague, with whom he can be linked not only by warm friendships, but also by romantic relationships. You can become an inspiration and companion in a man's life, but you can gain a reputation as an annoying "controller", which causes habitual dislike.
Often women would like to see in their loved one a "vest" in which to cry. If the "vest" does not show proper emotional participation in women's problems, then the partner is usually inclined to accuse of heartlessness and indifference. Meanwhile, the whole point is that men are guided more by logic than by feelings. It is impossible to force a man in acute life situations, for example, to empathize with a woman. He will think about how to effectively solve the problem that has arisen, where the woman will express emotions and indignation. Give him such an opportunity, but do not demand a comforting "lisp" from him.
Requiring a man to show interest in what interests or worries a woman - from outfits to relationships with friends - is also meaningless. At best, you will achieve an indifferent nod, at worst - he will simply begin to avoid communication on topics that are extraneous to him. Complaining about life, bad bosses and prices in stores, expecting "moral support" from a man is useless. He simply will not delve into all the subtleties. In general, it is better to discuss such situations with friends. And for a man it can cause boredom and irritation, the desire to isolate himself from annoying "noise". If you try to get attention by force, you risk becoming uninteresting to your man.
To proceed in a relationship from the fact that someone has to do this and that for someone is to doom oneself to conflicts in advance. If in the union of a man and a woman, everything is done not for themselves, but for each other, voluntarily, from a pure heart - such attachment will only grow stronger over the years. As soon as you start trying to dominate, demanding increased attention to yourself, giving up some habits and communicating with the familiar circle of people, imposing a lifestyle that is alien to your man, the relationship will gradually fade away. For some time they will exist by inertia. With strong affection, a man will make sacrifices, but he will feel disappointed, or, in revenge, he will demand self-restraint from a woman. This will definitely not lead to a strengthening of relations, and mutual discontent will only grow, and over time will lead to a cooling or rupture.
Any violence against a person in a love union is stress, a heart wound and a memorable resentment. And if women, due to natural reasons and mental characteristics, accept the need to submit less painfully, then a man regards submission to a woman as a personal defeat and loss of dignity.
Women's tricks, manipulations, provocations and psychological experiments on a man almost always lead to the collapse of relationships. Irrepressible attempts to alter, "improve" a partner - usually end in sadness. A woman, in the end, can be sent in an offensive form in search of a more suitable pair, and with a recommendation to take her beloved dog. A partner, having gone through a breakup, goes to meet a new life - and love. As a rule, a man quickly finds himself a less obstinate couple, with those qualities that he was unsuccessfully looking for in past relationships.
You need to understand that men in search of a pair are more constructive and rarely step on the same "rake" twice. And women, as being more emotional, often look for a replacement for lost love, subconsciously choosing a partner with mental characteristics and habits inherent in their "ex." As a result, the cycle repeats itself, and a wonderful, warm and comfortable relationship at first gradually cools and cracks.
Appreciate those around you. After all, you, too, are not perfect. Remember the wonderful biblical expression: "Love does not seek its own, does not boast …" Try to respect someone else's inner world and personal space - only then you will be considered a loved one, truly "your" soul mate, and to which, regardless of small and major flaws, will always pull.
