"Airplane marriage" is a fairly common phenomenon. Some girls consider pregnancy to be the only way to connect their lives with a man. What is the future of families created solely because of the bride's pregnancy?
The other day a young woman - the wife and mother of a small child - turned to me for advice. The problem, I must say, is quite common: she got married because she became pregnant, the relationship with a man was not very good even before marriage, he clearly did not intend to marry her, after the wedding, the relationship gradually worsened even more. The client admitted that pregnancy for her was the very way she wanted to keep her lover. She hoped that she could awaken tender feelings for herself in him, and the child would not allow him to leave her. However, in reality it turned out that everything went according to a completely different scenario. And now he has moved from her back to his parents, avoids communication with her and does not seek to see the child.
Probably, such stories can be found quite a few. At the consultations there were couples who also got married due to their wife's pregnancy, but the man was potentially ready to start a family with a woman, albeit not so soon, but still had such intentions. Their relationship also began to deteriorate after the wedding, thoughts of divorce appeared.
Working with such families, I noticed one characteristic feature: a woman, realizing that she used pregnancy to induce a man to marry her, could not be completely confident in her husband. She began to suspect him of treason, was jealous for any reason, angry at the lack of attention to herself, his coldness, offended by the unwillingness to raise the child and take care of him. She tormented herself with doubts and suspicions, and her husband - with claims, demands, scandals, insults and reproaches. All this happened because she firmly knew that she deliberately went to deception, cunning, in order to maintain the relationship. She understood that marrying her was not his conscious choice, not his decision, not his desire, but a step to which she forced him.
Men who got married for this reason, at my consultations, noted that they felt that the woman had set them up, forced them to do something that he had no intention of. In the spectrum of their feelings and emotions in relation to such a woman, they had practically nothing positive. On the contrary, many noted disgust, dislike, aggression, resentment.
Several times I consulted couples when the situation was the opposite: a woman, having become pregnant, wanted to have an abortion and had no intention of marrying a man, but he persuaded her to create a family, and she already tried to end this marriage over time. In such couples, a man already began to torment his wife with suspicion, jealousy, demands for attention and warmth towards himself, reproaches and scandals.
Obviously, none of the scenarios described is capable of making such a marriage happy and strong. And at the same time, marriages concluded, as they say in society, "on the fly" may well be happy. There are such examples. What makes these families different from those that fail?
Generally, this question can be answered as follows: instead of the position "I must keep him at all costs" the woman stands on the position "I want to make him love myself." The latter position is embodied in the fact that a woman seeks to be loved and desired, to be a wife and a friend, and not a tyrant who locked a man in a cage and demands that he love this cage.
