“What we have, we do not keep; when we lose, we cry,” says a well-known proverb. This is especially true of the feelings that people feel after the death of relatives and friends.
Attendance at a funeral often causes not only grief, but also surprise. At this sad event, you can meet people in relation to whom no one suspected that they knew and loved the deceased. One gets the impression that after death a person begins to value more than during life. However, such feelings are experienced by friends and acquaintances who constantly communicated with the deceased, and sometimes even relatives who lived with him - they suddenly realize how dear they were to the one they lost.
Advantages and disadvantages
Each person has certain merit. But there are no people completely devoid of flaws, therefore, in communication with anyone, even with the closest person, unpleasant moments inevitably arise. It annoys people, creates discomfort.
Advantages do not cause rejection - on the contrary, they create a comfortable situation for others, therefore, they are taken for granted. People are not inclined to pay attention to those qualities of their relatives and friends that are convenient for them.
When a person dies, there are no annoying moments, but those pleasant qualities that he possessed do not remain, and those close to them are used to their manifestations. An emptiness arises that will irritate and hurt - “suddenly” it turns out that it was good with a father, brother or friend, but now it will not be so.
For example, someone may get used to the fact that a colleague always prepares a workplace for him, and will take it for granted, not noticing, but at the same time he will definitely pay attention to any of his unpleasant habit. But after the funeral of his roommate, he will come to work and find that the workplace is not ready … Not always the "feeling of emptiness" is so pragmatic, but it always accompanies the loss of a relative, friend and even acquaintance.
Memory protection mechanism
The memory preserves the image of the deceased, which is not accidentally called "light". The human psyche has a number of defense mechanisms, one of which is blocking memories that cause negative emotions.
When people remember deceased loved ones, memory "throws up" mostly positive moments. That is why the son does not remember how he quarreled with his mother - he remembers how she caressed him in childhood, how she took care of him.
By blocking negative memories of the deceased and recalling mostly pleasant episodes from the past, a person begins to value the deceased more than during life.
