The natural need of a newborn baby is the constant presence of a mother nearby. As the child grows and develops, more and more things can be done independently. Parents have to transfer responsibility to their child. Sometimes it's hard to find the fine line between overwhelming concern and indifference. Especially acute issues of excessive guardianship are raised during adolescence.
The child acquires independence gradually
The task of adolescence is to separate from parents. With the normal development of the relationship between the child and his parents, adolescent rebellion is less acute. But if before that the parents watched every step of their child, the teenage rebellion will be very bright.
Therefore, parents should think about whether they give their child enough freedom, long before they reach adolescence. It is worth starting to do this from the moment the baby learns to crawl. Make it a rule for yourself: the safety of the child is your direct responsibility. But it is not necessary to provide it with prohibitions. It would seem, what consequences will this have for a teenager in the future? The consequences are the most immediate: from the very beginning you will get used to giving the child freedom where possible, and not controlling his life. You can let your 7 month old baby crawl freely around the room because you have removed dangerous objects from his reach. It's the same with a teenager: you can freely let him go out with friends, because you have an agreement to call him at a certain time.
Always listen to what your child is telling you
You yourself can easily not notice where you go too far with your concern. But your child will definitely feel it and tell you. You should not take the position of an authoritarian parent in such conversations: "I said you can't, then you can't!" Communicate with your child on an equal footing, take into account his desires. It is always possible to discuss his claims to independence and find an acceptable compromise. The more you push your child, the more resistance you will receive. Maybe any of your permission is not so important in itself, but the principle will become important - not to let your parents win.
Analyze your feelings and motives
A good way to avoid unnecessary custody of your child is to analyze your motivations for your behavior. Think about why you need to constantly monitor your child? Are your experiences adequate? Are you exaggerating the danger to your child? If you can't sort out your feelings on your own, see a psychologist. Oftentimes, an independent perspective helps a lot.
But even without a psychologist, it is extremely useful to be aware of your emotions and talk about them to your child. For example, instead of a categorical prohibition on returning late, you can discuss with your child your concerns about his safety.
The desire to be a friend to your child
Another aspect of a child's overprotectiveness is the desire to be their best friend at all times. In its extreme expression, such a desire leads to the fact that parents do not leave the child's right to privacy. They want to know about every little thing. But the focus of adolescents' attention is shifting from parents to peers. Real friendship and first love appear in their lives. Allow your child to have intimate (that is, very personal) experiences. Never read your child's personal diary without permission. Just let him know that he can always turn to you if necessary. Do not pester him with advice yourself.
The main thing is to trust your child. You have been investing energy in his upbringing for a long time, but from a certain moment it comes time to look at the result: how your child will independently walk through life. Let him make mistakes and gain his life experience. After all, a person who knows how to overcome difficulties on his own is better adapted for life than the one for whom the parents always decided everything.
