“Parents and teachers lose heart, it is difficult to communicate with them, it is impossible to conduct a dialogue with them, it is impossible to convey simple truths to them, one cannot expect adequate behavior from them!” - all this can often be heard when it comes to difficult teenagers. But few people think that it is also difficult for them to establish contact with others.
Instructions
Step 1
The belief that babies are born “difficult” is deeply wrong. Of course, character traits and traumas received during intrauterine development, during childbirth and during infancy play a role. But what makes children and adolescents really "difficult" is the atmosphere in which they grow up and are brought up. Psychologists identify four main reasons why children may show inappropriate behavior to adults.
Step 2
Lack of attention from close and significant adults. Attention is something that is vital for a child from the first days of life. This is an important component of his successful mental and emotional development. And, if the child does not receive it sufficiently in the usual way, he begins to break the rules and prohibitions set by adults. Yes, the reaction that this behavior causes is most often negative, but, nevertheless, attention has been paid to it, and one of the basic needs is satisfied, even if in this way.
Step 3
Protest against parental overprotection and authoritarian upbringing. Consciousness of one's own “I” is formed in a child during a crisis of 3 years, and by adolescence reaches its apogee. It is then that the teenager needs the opportunity and space for self-affirmation. If parents are accustomed to communicating with the child in a categorical form, to instill in him “common truths” in the form of instructions and remarks, they risk getting a protest reaction from the teenager in the form of manifestations of stubbornness, actions contrary to advice and instructions. At the same time, the teenager is not too concerned about how correct his actions are, what their consequences are. The main thing for him at the moment is to show that he himself is able to decide what to do, to prove that he is "not a trembling creature, but has the right."
Step 4
Revenge. Yes, a child can begin to take revenge on his parents if he believes that in some situation his rights and interests have been violated. The reasons can be very different: the birth of a second child, divorce or quarrels between parents, temporary forced living away from the rest of the family, etc. This can be revenge for "one-time" offenses, if the teenager was sharply criticized, unfairly (in his opinion) offended, forbidden to do something important and meaningful for him. In the depths of his soul, a teenager realizes that he is doing wrong and feels remorse, but in fact he can demonstrate disobedience, unwillingness to learn, begins to communicate rudely with adults, ignore their demands, etc.
Step 5
Loss of faith in yourself. It happens that a child, having experienced a failure in one of the areas of life, begins to experience problems in other areas. So, poor relationships with peers can cause poor academic performance, and learning difficulties can cause frequent conflicts at home, initiated, by the way, by the teenager himself. The point here is the child's low self-esteem. Having experienced difficulties in one of the spheres of life, he begins to think that he is “not good for anything”, loses confidence in himself and faith in his own success.
Step 6
Thus, in order to correct the behavior of a teenager, it is necessary to find exactly the reasons that influenced his violation. Suggestions, lengthy lectures, or intimidation will not help here. Only by finding the root of the problem can we look for ways to solve it.
Step 7
Analyze your relationship with your teen. Think about whether you have done everything in order to eliminate the above 4 main reasons for his bad behavior. It is sometimes difficult to do this without the help of a specialist. Seek the advice of a family or adolescent counselor to help you understand the situation.
Step 8
If you find the root of the problem, develop a strategy for dealing with your problem teenager. Be consistent, patient, and don't expect quick results. Only by earning the child's trust can you expect that his behavior and attitude towards you, towards the situation and towards life in general will change.
Step 9
Monitor closely for any changes in your teen's behavior. If necessary, be prepared to adjust your communication tactics with your child.
Step 10
Remember that the most effective form of communication is collaboration. Desirable changes will occur only if the teenager trusts you, sees in you not a person who suppresses and "educates" him, but a loved one who seeks to help.
